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Cat's Call
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

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DEAR CAT: I knew my gorgeous and free-spirited girlfriend for 18 years before asking her out. Once I did, we fell in love, and we've been dating exclusively for six months. She is easygoing, energetic and very independent (she is a single mom), but her laid-back attitude sometimes comes across as not caring, and it really hurts. One time she was traveling for work, and if I hadn't asked the night before about her plans for the week, she wouldn't have told me about the trip. There have been other occasions where she seems to lose track of things. I think she just forgets, but it makes me feel left out, like I'm not part of her life. Sometimes I feel really loved by her, other times not as much. I get "I love you" and "I miss you" texts one day, the next day I get one-word answers to questions. It's like a roller coaster, and it's hard for me to handle my up-and-down feelings. What should I do? -- RUNNING DOWN A DREAM

DEAR RUNNING: You're in that gray area of seriousness, when you are definitely exclusive but not yet spouse-like in your sharing of information. Yes, you are in love, but that doesn't mean you truly know each other. Instead of suffering the constant ups and downs and wondering how she feels about you, ask her. She may not understand or appreciate how much you want to be in her life, and she is probably unaware of how her laid-back attitude comes across.

CAT'S CALL: She might just need to hear that you want to know what she doesn't say.

DEAR CAT: I am engaged to the man of my dreams, but his family is not congratulatory, all because of an incident at the jewelry store where he bought my ring. My fiance's cousin "Mary" used to work at the store. When he and his friend were in the store, the saleswoman mentioned Mary's name. His friend joked that Mary will never get an engagement ring because she is such a witch. That wasn't cool. Well, the saleswoman told Mary, and now no one in his family wants to share our joy. I can't believe the saleswoman was so unprofessional -- she got a big commission off my diamond. My fiance's aunts are giving me the cold shoulder, and I have to live with them for the rest of my life, and I had hoped to become friends with Mary someday. Now what? -- MARY CAUSED A LITTLE PROBLEM

DEAR PROBLEM: His family added 2+2 and came up with 437. 1) Call Mary and explain, then go to lunch and laugh it off. 2) Call your in-laws, clear the air and remind them this has nothing to do with you.

CAT'S CALL: 3) Your fiance should man up and defend you to his family, or I've got a few insults for him.