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Cat's Call
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

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DEAR CAT: I am invited to a bridal shower and wedding. The bride was my college roommate for two semesters. We weren't particularly close, and we haven't really kept in touch since graduating in 2001. Besides keeping tabs on each other via Facebook, we've only run into each other three times (not on purpose) in eight years. I'm also getting married next year, and she wasn't even on my "maybe" list of invitees. My inner etiquette beast tells me I need to send a bridal shower and wedding gift, even if I don't plan to attend either party. My co-worker tells me I'm not obligated to send a present for either occasion. What's your call? -- PRESENT-LY CHALLENGED

DEAR PRESENT-LY: I agree with your co-worker. If you "gift" her for either occasion, it will look bad if you don't reciprocate her invitations (then she might attend!), and you don't want a barely maybe at your nuptials. If you "gift" her without inviting her to your wedding or shower, that looks bad -- understandable and completely your call, but bad. If you simply decline the invites and any gifts, you're in the clear. Still ...

CAT'S CALL: Send a nice, personal card (or at least shoot her a Tweet).

DEAR CAT: My niece owns an upscale hair salon where she is the only worker. She has sold me hair pieces (I have thinning hair) and cut and dyed my hair. I live on a fixed income, but I pay her a high price and she does a great job. The problem: The price hasn't come down now that my hair requires less work. She has no fixed price for anything. It seems she charges whatever is needed to meet the month's bills (she owes a lot of money because she went back to school). I'm the only person who has encouraged her school pursuit, and I bring meals to her shop whenever I go, sweep her floors and even baby-sit clients' kids to make her life easier. I never expected free service, but last time I brought four meals and swept, and she knew I was trying to save money, but she still charged me $116. I don't want to hurt our relationship, but I feel gouged. She says, "If you went somewhere else, do you know how much you would pay?" But another salon quoted $65 for the same services. No other family members patronize her shop, and I now know why. Before I broach the subject with my niece, I wanted some outside advice. -- USED AND HURT IN PGH

DEAR USED: Upscale? Surely ye jest. Overcharging does not mean a business is "upscale." I read your question many times, and I almost cried with each reading. I am appalled that your niece would charge even a nickel to cut her loving aunt's hair. And you don't just love her. You sweep her store and cook for her and baby-sit strangers' children! Don't broach the subject with her. Just stop going. Yes, you love her, but she is spoiled, greedy and shortsighted. If your absence doesn't make her aware of her selfishness ...

CAT'S CALL: Dust bunnies, hair piles and a lack of free food just might.