Attack of the appliances.

My dishwasher, two years old, went kerflooey over the weekend. This is never a barrel of fun for a family of five.

I trotted off to work on Monday, leaving explicit directions to my children to apply washcloth, towel and elbow grease to the pile of dishes.

They were thrilled.

I hate appliances. I just hate them (except when they work).

I have a horde of little plastic clips used to hold the door shelves on in my refrigerator. I bought them for some ridiculous price on the Internet, because my fridge is about 10 years old and obsolete.

Should anything like a shelf or bracket break on it, I am up the creek without the proverbial paddle, because I can't get parts easily.

I wonder if duct tape will work?

A few years ago, I tried to replace the burner grids on my stove, because they were looking funky, despite soaking and scrubbing them. $100. Plus shipping. That's about 20 percent of the entire cost of the stove, also purchased within 10 years or so.

The trim around the oven door began to rust. About $100 for that piece, too. I bought a $6.95 can of appliance spray paint and fixed it up. It looks OK, but honest to Pete, keeping the stove looking fresh next may take plastic surgery, which would be less expensive.

I've had numerous dryers punk out on me. I had a repairman look at the last one about five years ago. I can't remember the particulars, but it was pronounced dead and I ordered it be removed to the garbage in pieces. Then I ordered a new one. $500.

A day or so later, an electrician working at my house looked things over and discovered the problem wasn't the dryer, it was the circuit in the electric box. It had died. He replaced it. I think that was $20.

I shouldn't harp on electronics, I guess. One day I was using a nifty old-fashioned beater, the kind with two beaters turned with a crank, by hand.

It fell apart while I was using it.

Wooden spoons are great.

Spend $1 and buy a paper lemon at Rita's Italian Ice locations during June. Proceeds go to the Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation for pediatric cancer research. The company has supported the charity since 2006 and raised $1.5 million.

The foundation grew from a front-yard stand started by cancer patient Alexandra Scott of Wynnewood, Montgomery County, who died in 2004. More information is available at alexslemonade.org.

Two contests are open for creative cooks at the Washington County Fair in August. All you have to do is use SPAM products or Malt-O-Meal cold cereals.

Make a main dish from any SPAM variety using up to nine other ingredients to enter the 2009 Great American SPAM Championship. Prizes will be awarded to the top three recipes in adult and youth categories. Two grand prize winners will be selected from first-place winners at the 40 participating county fairs nationwide. A grand prize adult winner gets a trip for two to the 2010 Waikiki SPAM JAM Festival; a National SPAM Kid Chef of the Year gets $2,000 cash.

For the Malt-O-Meal competition, winners get gift packages valued at up to $175; first-place is $100, second, $50, and third, $25 worth of cereal.

For details of both competitions, contact the fair office at 724-225-7718 or visit the contest section at washingtonfair.org. The fair runs Aug. 15 to 22.

For Malt-O-Meal recipes and store locators, go to malt-o-meal.com.

For last year's SPAM winners, and other county fair winners, to statefairrecipes.com. You'll find one for Blueberry SPAM Swirls.

Yes. Uses SPAM Oven-Roasted Turkey.

Washington County is among the many Pennsylvania Fairs that is also participating in the Hershey's Cocoa Classic baking contest. Cash prizes will be offered in adult and youth categories for the best cake concoction and children ages 8 to 18 may also enter for best cookies, brownies or bars.

The final will be held at the Pennsylvania Farm Show in January. First place winners there will receive $500 for the winning cake recipe and $25 for the winning cookie, brownie or bar recipe.

For a list of participating fairs, go to pafairs.org.

On June 30, from 10:30 a.m. to noon at the Bethel Park store, and from 3 to 6 p.m. at the Shadyside store, Market District presents "Eating Nutritiously on a Budget." Also noteworthy: Shadyside only, from 4 to 5 p.m. today "The Perfect Grilling Cuts," and at noon and 2 p.m. today, Bethel Park only, Kids Can Cook!, "Red, White & Blue Foods."

• Land O'Lakes Butter with Olive Oil. Made from cream, olive oil and salt, this promises, compared to regular butter, 50 per cent less cholesterol, 0 grams trans fat and 45 percent less saturated fat. It's among a number of butter products on the shelves now that use olive oil. It spreads nicely; I am not convinced it tastes like regular butter, but what does? Find a coupon in the June 21 Post-Gazette.

• I am among the pistachio lovers in the office, so I jumped at the chance to try South of the Border Pistachios from Everybody's Nuts. Marketers compare them to Doritos, with more fiber and protein. (They also claim they save calories compared to almonds partly because they take longer to eat and the shells are a visual cue to stop noshing. Uh, I guess.) They weren't bad, but Doritos are Doritos and pistachios should be pistachios.

In my saucy opinion.