My husband Bill lost his job a few weeks ago in what is quickly becoming the new American Way. He was called from one meeting, over which he was presiding, into another where two men -- friends -- told him his position had been eliminated and "please hand in your phone and your credit card. Here is your severance package and don't let the door ..."

You get the picture.

He stopped by his earlier meeting to tell his colleagues the meeting was canceled due to his own untimely and unexpected termination. When he got back to his desk, his computer had already been taken away. His stunned friends and department staff surrounded him, some in tears, as they tried to help him gather up 20 years of personal effects and private mementoes of corporate life, and pack them into the car for a long ride home.

The coldness of the transaction shocked me, and after the shock wore off, the hurt set in. We are not so arrogant as to believe that we are somehow immune to the pain that so many families are experiencing throughout the country in this difficult economy. I never said "Why us?" With a whole country suffering, why not us?

My husband though, amazingly resilient by nature, says he can't wait for the next adventure, and he means it. Even this setback he sees as an opportunity, and from the first day, I knew he'd be all right.

I, on the other hand, have had a terrible time. I fixated on the fact that neither of the men given the terrible task of letting people go shook Bill's hand, expressed sorrow or wished him well in the future. How could people who have traveled with you and eaten at your home and been to your daughter's wedding act like this? Even www.allbusiness.com, in its article on how to lay off an employee, suggests, "Conclude with a handshake and a sincere wish that the employee do well in the future."

Our story unleashed a torrent of anecdotes from acquaintances about cruel and unusual firings. This economic downturn has tapped into a creatively sadistic vein about how to fire people.

One friend told of her brother-in-law's company which had some cuts to make. Everyone was led into the auditorium where an HR administrator told the assembled workers that if their names were on the overhead projection they no longer had a job. He didn't know his own name was on the projection.

My dentist told me of a financial institution that greeted all of its employees on a Monday morning with two security guards and a list. If your name was on the list, the guards handed you an already packed cardboard box of your possessions and escorted you to the parking lot.

Another company just had employees check their e-mail on a Monday morning. If they could log on to their accounts, they had a job, if not, then they should plan a visit to the unemployment office. Mondays are unusual. The preferred day of extermination is Friday.

The public sector is not immune to this kind of heartlessness. A recent HR meeting with a local school staff was meant to reassure teachers and staff about upcoming changes. "Everything will go well here next year; in fact, only one position will be lost," the woman said. She went on to name the position. The teacher holding the job was among those in attendance, and that was how he learned he no longer worked there. A school administrator in the same district read a job posting in the morning paper for the position he occupied. No one had told him his job was on the line.

Probably the worst story I've heard was from a dear friend who worked in Oakland as a counselor. It was the custom in his office for employees to bring in treats for the whole office on their birthdays. On his birthday, he brought in doughnuts for everyone. His boss came in, grabbed a couple of doughnuts, called our friend into his office and as he ate, fired him. Happy birthday!

When did it become OK to treat people like this? When did America lose its heart?

An Internet search of how to fire an employee yields scores of articles from the employer's point of view. How can we do this quickly, painlessly -- for management -- and avoid a lawsuit? It seems it's all about avoiding a lawsuit for wrongful termination. One would think that firing someone on his birthday while eating his doughnuts is about as wrongful as one can get.

Corporate executives often refer to their lawyers, who hand out a script about how to cut people off abruptly so that there won't be any chance of litigation. When did wishing someone well -- someone who worked along side you for years -- become cause for a lawsuit?

Corporations often complain that there is no employee loyalty any more. Loyalty is a two-way street and showing kindness to employees engenders loyalty. While fired employees need to know what financial benefits they can expect, they also need to be treated with dignity. They will undoubtedly be in shock and worried about their futures, and a little kindness can go a long way toward healing.

Unless someone is suspected of a criminal act, there is rarely a need to escort them from the building. If conditions are such that employees must be let go then at least send them off with a sincere and well-written letter of recommendation, as well as some placement services, if available.

One particularly humane company offered counseling not only to its ex-employees but to their spouses as well. Imagine recognizing that a layoff impacts a whole family!

Finally, people who have been laid off should not be treated as pariahs. If you have eaten lunch together for years, worked out together, traveled together and enjoyed a friendly relationship, call or e-mail. Do not allow your friends to feel abandoned.

Samuel Johnson once said, "To cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life." I would add that it should also be part of the life of business.