You might not respect him anymore," my college-age niece said when I told her that my husband and I would be swapping roles, so that he could stay home with our kids and I could go back to work full time.

"Says who?" I countered.

She'd heard it from a professor, she said -- that when men choose to stay home, they also lose traditional sources of respect. Income. Status. Promotions. Traded in for diaper changes, playtime and ... financial dependence. Who could square respectable manhood with all that?

My husband, for one. It may be more traditional for fathers to show their love for their families by providing money, not child care. But these days, a new value system is emerging, one in which care-giving is a priority that competes with other, more traditional, activities for men.

My husband, who has taken three years off from his teaching career to provide care to our children, is emblematic of a new generation of involved dads who are participating more actively in care-giving, even when these responsibilities impinge on careers. Recent reports in major news outlets have described the growing number of at-home and family-focused dads.

Male nurturing is hip. I personally know many working dads who flex their schedules around daily child-care duties, or who take vacation or sick days to care for their children. Some forgo career opportunities to avoid long work hours and traveling. In a Monster.com survey conducted in 2008, 73 percent of men said they would consider being a stay-at-home parent if they could afford it.

For my husband and me, changing roles three years ago meant that we were each starting a new job. While it was a healthy switch and one we haven't regretted, it was a major adjustment, especially at first.

When I started my new job, I was most concerned about feeling obsolete and disconnected from the daily lives of our 2-year-old and 6-month-old sons, especially since I had been home with them nearly full-time since their births. What I didn't anticipate was full-scale rejection.

My 2-year old son quickly made it clear that from his perspective I hadn't given up being at home: He had fired me. He let me know in that direct way toddlers have ("Daddy do it!") that my services were no longer required. Meanwhile, my husband became his new BFF.

To say that my son became "attached" to his stay-at-home dad would be an understatement. I might just as well say that Romeo was attached to Juliet. As far as my son was concerned, he and Daddy became inseparable buddies. And me -- I was persona non grata.

Meanwhile, my husband struggled to adjust to the lack of structure and adult companionship (a common complaint of at-home moms suffered somewhat more acutely by at-home dads). The physical demands of carrying children and buckling car seats also did a number on his torso. During the first year, he had surgery for a hernia and suffered recurring back problems.

My worst day as a new working mom occurred on a beautiful Saturday afternoon when I took the boys for a walk in their double stroller. The whole way up the street, my two-year-old screamed "I want Daddy!" at the top of his lungs.

In a recent conversation I asked my husband what his worst day has been so far. He answered: "Pushing the kids up the hill in their stroller after my hernia surgery."

Touche.

But the point is, we survived. It's gotten better, gradually and inevitably. These days, our arrangement seems pretty normal and happy. My kids are doing well, and they are both happy to see me when I get home from work. My husband has even mastered cooking dinner (thank you dearly, Rachael Ray) and baking bread.

I ask him what he has gained from the experience. "Spending this valuable time with the kids," he says predictably. What else, I want to know. "Empathy for you," he tells me.

The truth is, it's not just me -- he's got empathy for moms in general. He has noticed how often people compliment him for staying at home with his children, when "nobody's saying anything to the mom behind me, with two screaming kids in the shopping cart."

Dads these days, more and more, they get it. They understand that care-giving is an important, frustrating, rewarding and sometimes lonely experience. They understand that the work-life balance is a serious challenge, and one that requires frequent adjustments and occasional (not always completely fair) sacrifices. As a working mother, I appreciate all the dads like my husband who embrace the opportunity to stay home, as well as those working dads who are choosing to make their own way along the work/life balance beam.

For example, I was talking to a colleague the other day about the challenge of showers -- specifically, when to take one. This particular dad watches his son from early in the morning, when his wife leaves for work, until he takes the baby to day care. He can't get a shower unless he wakes up at the crack of dawn.

This is a problem well known to many moms -- getting a shower is no longer a simple activity but requires a strategy. This was the most mom-like conversation I have ever had with a man. It was mundane and fantastic.

I would like to tell my niece's former professor, wherever he is -- of course I respect my husband, and all the dads like him. In fact, respect alone doesn't approach what I feel. I would add admiration, commiseration and empathy. And especially today, I should add: gratitude.

Daniel Marsula/Post-Gazette