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It doesn't matter how dark Matthew McConaughey's tan is or how white his teeth appear or how sweetly vulnerable Jennifer Garner is in "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past," this romcom is movie junk food.
Unlike most empty calories, though, it doesn't even taste great while consuming it. And if you saw the preview, you saw the movie or most of its building blocks.
Celebrity photographer Connor Mead (McConaughey) is a lothario who breaks up with women "in bulk."
That means asking a singer he's romancing to wait while he dumps three women at once, by video conference. Hours later, when he arrives at the rehearsal for his younger brother's wedding, Connor flirts with the bride, bridesmaids (most of whom he knows in a shagadelic way) and even the bride's mother.
Connor is a regular wedding killjoy, pronouncing marriage both "arcane and oppressive" and "corrupt and hateful." He denounces love as a myth.
- Starring: Matthew McConaughey and Jennifer Garner
- Rating: PG-13 for sexual content throughout, some language and a drug reference
- Web site: ghostsofgirlfriendspastmovie.com
His late uncle (Michael Douglas, a hoot in tinted glasses, ascot and perpetual playboy leer) appears, much like Jacob Marley does in "A Christmas Carol" but minus the clanging chains. He predicts the visit of three ghosts, and Connor's childhood friend Jenny (Garner) factors into all three glimpses of past, present and possible future.
Mark Waters ("Just Like Heaven" and "Mean Girls") directs a screenplay by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore. They wrote "Four Christmases" and "The Hangover," coming to theaters in early June.
In a tired trend, "Ghosts" turns the bride (Lacey Chabert) into a bridezilla, shrieking when her guests' salads are missing the figs she ordered. When Connor suggests, "That girl has been acting like a mental patient for the last 12 hours," I couldn't help but agree.
A twist about turning a real-life character into one of the ghosts makes no sense, but this is all about Connor and the endless procession of women he loved and cut loose. A loss he suffered as a child is designed to generate sympathy and explain the influence of his uncle.
No matter how much zaniness the movie tries to impose, with a toppling wedding cake and a wild car chase set to an Elvis Presley song, "Ghosts" feels anemic.
McConaughey has played this man-child before, although Garner gives the audience a character to care about. Even the 1980s, shown in flashback, are feeling old, given the decade's appearance in "Adventureland," "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh," "17 Again" and "The Informers."
A year ago this week, "Iron Man" rocketed into theaters and so did, in a bit of counterprogramming, "Made of Honor."
Today's timing seems designed to offer an alternative to "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." But, ladies, three little words: Hugh Jackman shirtless. And, fleetingly, naked.
