For the last five months, Charlotte Hicks Carrabotta has inched through the grieving process for her son, FBI Special Agent Samuel Hicks, who was killed last year while serving a warrant in Indiana Township.

Yesterday, she found herself horrified by the fact that three new families were about to embark on the same painful journey.

"It cannot even be explained what you go through," said Ms. Carrabotta, of Rockwood, Somerset County. "First you're numb, then angry, then you realize that none of it does any good. You just take it one day at a time and be appreciative that you had what you did."

Shortly after her son died, she was overwhelmed with well-wishers, condolences from friends and strangers and offers of assistance -- none of which even started to fill the void left by her son's death.

"What you want, they can't do," she said, "and that's to bring them back."

What was helpful in hindsight were the cards and messages she received from other families of fallen law enforcement officers, though it took her a long time after Mr. Hicks' death to actually reach out to them.

"That is a very important thing because you realize that you aren't by yourself," she said.

Ms. Carrabotta said that she plans to contact the families of the officers killed Saturday.

Though she has her good days and bad days in dealing with her son's death, what has consistently helped her is to focus on living her life in a way that her son will be proud of her.

Still, the news of the three law enforcement officers killed in Stanton Heights brought back a lot of her emotions about her son's death -- particularly as she learned that two of the officers had children.

As she's discovered with her toddler grandson, Noah, "you can show him all the pictures in the world, but they won't ever know that real bond," she said. "You have no idea until you go through it and you never think it will happen to anyone in your family."