I heard this great joke the other day.

"A horse walks into a bar --"

"A horse? It would have no way to open the door. No opposable thumbs."

"Maybe the door was propped open."

"So it's summer, but it's still not clear why a horse would enter a bar. Where is the horse's owner or rider?"

"The horse is alone."

"Has it escaped from a riding school? Where did this horse come from, and why has no one called the authorities?"

"It doesn't matter where it came from. A horse walks into a bar, orders a beer --"

"The horse orders a BEER?"

"Yeah."

"How does a horse order a beer? Horses can't even point -- not only do they lack opposable thumbs, but they are hooved quadrupeds."

"Perhaps he touched the tap handle with his nose."

"Did someone train the horse to order beer? Wait a minute. Does this horse have a drinking problem?"

"What?"

"Alcoholism is not funny. Particularly in farm animals."

"Look, the horse isn't in AA, or Neigh Neigh, for that matter. Just let me tell the story: The horse orders a beer, sits down at one of the tables and starts reading the paper."

"The horse went into the bar carrying a newspaper?"

"I guess so."

"How?"

"I don't know -- how's he sitting at a table?"

"That too! My point exactly. Did anyone else see this poor abused alcoholic horse with his newspaper? Because I don't know anything about it, and I think --"

"For heaven's sake, it's a joke -- use your imagination."

"My what?"

"Never mind. Just let me tell the story, because, like you, the bartender is very surprised and incredulous, but he pours the horse a beer and takes it to him, and the horse gives the bartender a $10 bill."

"Which he was carrying along with the newspaper."

"Right."

"How? Is there a saddlebag on his back that he can reach into with his teeth?"

"YES. Exactly. A saddlebag he can reach with his teeth. That's exactly how the horse carries things. So: The bartender figures, newspaper notwithstanding, this customer is still a horse and probably not really very smart, so he reckons he can get away with shortchanging him."

"That's animal cruelty."

"What?"

"This sounds like some kind of nuisance bar. Drunken livestock, crooked staff -- the place should be shut down."

"I'm not listening to you. The horse gives the bartender a 10, and the bartender gives him back a dollar in change. The horse doesn't say a word."

"Because horses can't talk."

"Shut up! The horse eventually finishes his beer and goes to the bar to order another."

"I told you, making light of drunkenness and alcoholism is not funny."

"You said yourself, it's summer. The horse is thirsty, not chemically dependent. The bartender says, 'You know, we don't get many horses in here.'?"

"That seems like a racist remark."

"He's talking to a HORSE!"

"Yes, but it's worded in a way reminiscent of the sort of thing a racist bartender would say to a customer of color."

"Aha -- are you sure the horse wasn't white? … Nothing? Good. The bartender says, 'We don't get many horses in here,' and the horse says --"

"But --"

"THE HORSE SAYS, 'At $9 a beer, I'm not surpri--' "

"So this is your 'joke': An abused animal that should be in rehab is allowed to consume liquor without ID, overpays and is subjected to racist harassment -- all the more tragic and offensive because he is intelligent enough to have been trained to talk."

"It's a joke."

"Not a very funny one."

"True. I guess I just don't know how to tell it."