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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR CAT: My office has an open floor plan, with four cubicles positioned so that when we're working, our backs are to each other. I get along well with my cubical mates, but two of them have a habit of pulling out nail clippers and trimming their nails as they sit at their desks! The office is relatively quiet, and I can hear every snip, snip, snip. Yuck! Am I being prudish? If not, can I tell them to please take care of personal grooming in the restroom or at home? Perhaps I should offer them nail polish next time? If it matters, I'm a woman, and they are men. Would your answer be different if I were a man and they were women? -- CLIPPED NERVES
DEAR CLIPPED: The sound of clippers (and associated images of nail shards strewn on the floor) really is irritating. It ties with cracking knuckles but falls just short of dripping water. Yes, absolutely say something, just do it in a joking tone and hope they'll get the hint. And no, it doesn't matter if the perps are male or female.
Cat's Call: Habitually clipping your nails in an office is gross no matter what.
DEAR CAT: Three years ago, after beginning a long-distance relationship, I moved here to be with a man I fell in love with. When I arrived he was cold and uncommunicative, and over the next two years I learned he had had multiple extracurricular relationships before I arrived (some physical, some merely e-mail). He had said we'd be exclusive, and I kept up my end of the bargain, but he has not. He has never done anything special for me, not even a holiday card, just a text message. I've had some bad luck: car accidents, falling out with my family, a job loss (I'm still unemployed), and we agreed to stop our relationship so I can concentrate on getting back on my feet. The problem is, I can't stop being angry with him and blaming him for this. I have no friends here, no support system, and I can't move because I am financially ruined. I think of his big house, secure job, loving children and his wealth. I feel like I have been lied to and used. I need to move forward. Any advice would be great. -- NEAR RUIN
DEAR NEAR: I feel terrible for you. He definitely sounds like a lying scumbucket. But this isn't all on him, and there's a lot missing from your story. Was it a real long-distance relationship with frequent visits and concrete future plans or primarily an Internet relationship? Did he ask you to move and help you relocate? Were there red flags beforehand that you chose to ignore? I'm not blaming you. These are important questions and Step 1 is to answer them honestly. You uprooted your entire life for a man you didn't know. Now you have to rebuild your life, and that takes time and hard work. Try to use your anger (rather than stew in it) to plan strategically for your future ...
Cat's Call: The future starts now, and it should not include him.
