Pennsylvania politics are like soap operas -- not just in their bad acting and general sleaziness, but in the fact that you can tune back in after months of inattention and find that the same sad plot lines are being endlessly recycled.

A half-hour's investment and you know exactly what's going on.

"As the Commonwealth Turns"? Same as it ever was.

With the Hollywood soaps, as with the one featuring the Keystone State, you have to wonder when viewers will get fed up with the tawdry antics and demand a rewrite. Constitutional convention, anyone?

No? Really? How revolting does this production have to get before we actually revolt?

In case you've missed the past few weeks' action, here's a quick summary of several seamy, ongoing plotlines:

• Last Tuesday, we learned that former House Democratic Leader Bill DeWeese may have known all along about those taxpayer-funded bonuses given to reward House employees for work on political campaigns -- just as his indicted top aide, Mike Manzo, has testified.

In response to staffers' thank-you messages for the bonuses, e-mails from Mr. DeWeese's account said things like "UR welcome" and "U bet!" (Way to go with the texting touch to reach a younger audience, Bill. LOL.)

Former Democratic Rep. Mike Veon is still awaiting trial for his role in the Bonusgate scandal, but longtime soap watchers anticipate a plot twist to keep Mr. DeWeese on the Harrisburg stage -- an evil step-relative or Republican, say, who broke into his account and sent the "U earned it" e-mail to frame him!

Why? Mr. DeWeese once told a reporter, "My intelligence is in the middle range, but my enthusiasm is above average." How can our state soap pull the plug on a character with ad-libs that good?

• Last Monday, former state Sen. Vincent Fumo was convicted on 137 counts of fraud, conspiracy, obstruction of justice and other offenses. On Tuesday, the federal prosecutors who won the conviction moved to seize Mr. Fumo's lavish properties and other ill-gotten assets.

And the legislator's lavish public pension? As the Post-Gazette reported, "state officials normally start the process of ending a corrupt official's pension at the point of sentencing, not at the time of a jury's verdict."

Let's savor this rare moment of subtlety in a production that's usually over-the-top: Pennsylvania has had so many corrupt officials that there's an established procedure in place for stripping their pensions. Sigh.

• One of Mr. Fumo's convictions was for giving a "no-work" Senate consulting contract to his friend Mitchell Rubin. Mr. Rubin is the husband of Ruth Arnao, Mr. Fumo's convicted co-conspirator, and until two days ago served as chairman of the Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission. (He's now on an unpaid leave of absence, after Gov. Ed Rendell mused, in Tuesday's episode, about removing him from his post.)

In "As the Commonwealth Turns," as in any soap opera, it's crucial to follow the convoluted personal relationships. If one member of a family is in public service, chances are excellent that several members of the family are similarly gifted!

Back East the relationships are hidden with different last names, but here in Allegheny County, with our multiple Zappalas, Onoratos, Wagners, Costas and Ravenstahls, the action's much easier to follow.

• Speaking of family, state Auditor General Jack Wagner announced nine days ago that he'll audit a contract awarded by the state Liquor Control Board to a Pittsburgh firm, Solutions 21, to train LCB clerks to be courteous to customers. The firm is headed by the husband of the PLCB's Western Pennsylvania regional manager.

Results are probably months away, but there's a sameness to all the other plotlines I've updated: Everywhere we look our public officials are treating the public treasury like their personal bank account. It's always about the money. Doesn't anybody just have illicit sex anymore?

While checking for the latest savory tidbits in this endless drama, I had so many tabs open in my Internet browser that the headline of each had its end lopped off. What got cut from this headline -- "U.S. Seeking Fumo's Assets" -- were the last three letters.

Sounds about right.

The only thing regrettable in the long-running Fumo scandal is the need for the feds to come in and clean up our state-spawned "culture of corruption." Why didn't we keep a closer eye on our own story?

That's the cool thing about political soap opera: We the people get to have a role of whatever size we choose. What's hard to understand, since this is real life, not make-believe, is that so far we've been satisfied to be bit players -- especially when you consider that we're the ones paying for the whole darn show.