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Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222
DEAR CAT: With all the technology available today (social networking sites, cell phones, Internet dating, etc.), it is much easier for someone to cheat because it is so much easier to meet people, and also it's much easier to get caught through tracking online activity. Assuming you have documented proof when you catch someone cheating, what are the rules? Assuming you are one of the people involved, do you tell the other person? If you're outside the relationship, do you tell either person? What is the right thing to do today, while still protecting your own privacy? -- RULES OF CHEATING
DEAR CHEATING: Yes, technology makes it easier to run around because it's so easy to communicate on the sly. If you know for sure that a friend is being two-timed, tell them. If you are one of the people involved (hmm, that can imply more than one thing), you should still tell them. In terms of protecting your own privacy, why would you need to? Anonymous letters and e-mails are always an option, but those methods are 1) classless, and 2) to be used only if a situation could have dangerous consequences.
Cat's Call: Who else thinks the writer of this letter is a cheater? Show of hands?
DEAR CAT: I have a good friend at work; she is sweet, smart, funny and I couldn't imagine not having her as a friend. However, her husband is a jerk and I can't stand him. He is a rude, obnoxious know-it-all. None of our friends and colleagues likes hanging out with her if he is around because he is so rude, even to people he has never met before. I invited both of them to a holiday party last year and he managed to offend half of the guests, who later told me they would not come to another party if he was there. So this year I kept them off of the invite list and I told my colleagues to keep quiet about the party. I feel horrible for excluding my friend, but I didn't know what else to do. In general, can I invite her without him, even though the other guests come with spouses? Should I tell her how I feel about her husband? -- GOOD FRIEND, BAD HUSBAND
DEAR G.F.B.H.: No, do not tell her how you feel about her husband because it could end the friendship. If he directly offends you, that's another story -- then you're welcome to say something, but say it to him. As for inviting her to parties sans husband, forget it. That's very rude, unmannerly and not the act of a good friend. Sure, you hate him, and it's awful to be forced to socialize with loathsome people. But in life you don't always like everyone, and once loathies are married to your friends you have to suck it up and play nice or only spend "friend" time alone with her. It should be noted that despite his jerkiness, if you're the type of person who excludes a friend from your parties and even forces others to lie about the occasion ...
Cat's Call: Perhaps she should distance herself from you.
