The new year can't possibly be any worse than 2008. Or can it? Here's what we think is in store:

U.S. Rep. John Murtha sends personalized cards to constituents wishing them a Happy New Year while apprising them they are nonetheless "lame hicks stupider than groundhogs."

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The new owners of Pittsburgh's North Shore casino say they're out of money due to the stock market's collapse at the start of the year. The project is put on hold indefinitely.

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The Steelers lose Super Bowl XLIII to the Arizona Cardinals, 8-7, when their punter kicks the ball backward over his head and across his own end zone for a safety on the game's final play.

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The director of the University of Pittsburgh Cancer Institute warns that not only can cell phones cause cancer, but so do microwave ovens, cable TV converter boxes and every other modern appliance put into everyday use in the past two decades.

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In a joint state, county and city effort to deal with mounting budget deficits, toll booths are erected on the Fort Pitt Bridge, McKnight Road and Forbes and Fifth avenues from Downtown to Oakland.

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US Airways announces it will end direct flights between Pittsburgh and every other city except Charlotte.

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A trillionaire from Dubai infuses the North Shore casino project with new cash, enabling it to get back on track.

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After Consol Energy Inc. declares bankruptcy amid widespread economic cataclysm, the Penguins' search for a naming-rights replacement ends in a $15,000-per-year agreement through which the new arena will be called Rita's Ice.

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PNC Bank acquires Parkvale Savings and Dollar and Fifth Third and Sky and Fidelity and First Commonwealth banks.

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The Bonusgate ethics probe in Harrisburg expands to include indictments of 128 of the state's 253 lawmakers, intensifying calls for both reduction in the Legislature's size and rapid expansion of the state prison system.

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The Port Authority announces fares will rise to $3 on July 1 because the money-saving contract signed with employees in December is now obsolete.

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The fate of the Rooney brothers' summer vacation together is jeopardized by squabbling over which ones will get the master bedrooms at their rental property in Duck, N.C.

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U.S. Sen. Arlen Specter and Penn State football coach Joe Paterno sign a joint living will declaring that if one becomes incapacitated, the other will carry on all voting and coaching duties on behalf of both.

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In order to balance the new fiscal year's budget, Gov. Ed Rendell leases the state to a private Dutch firm that renames it and begins shipping the entire Marcellus shale to Europe.

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Mired in last place, headed for a record-setting 17th consecutive losing season, the Pirates call up Indian prospects Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel from the minor leagues.

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The Rooneys work out the vacation problem at the last minute, with Dan and Art Jr. agreeing to share a bathroom if it gets them out of one turn of preparing meals.

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The Rivers Casino opens on the North Shore. When the 3,872-space garage quickly fills up, the owners obtain the city planning commission's permission to add five more floors of parking atop it.

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Pitchers Singh and Patel, whose combined work ethic has rejuvenated the Pirates, throw back-to-back shutouts in a double-header against the Cardinals to move the club above the .500 mark.

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The Pirates trade Singh and Patel to a cricket team in New Delhi for 1 million rupees, which the local team realizes too late is much less money than it sounds like.

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Work on the North Shore Connector subway tunnel grinds to a halt when it's realized the operator of the boring machine misread a map and sent it under the Ohio River to Neville Island.

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Pittsburgh's resurgence as a movie-making mecca continues as cast and crew begin work on a sequel to "The Road," called "The Road Less Traveled," filmed entirely on existing sections of the Mon-Fayette Expressway.

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After reviewing 49 days of testimony by 212 witnesses and 37,119 documents offered as evidence, the jurors at the retrial of Dr. Cyril H. Wecht announce they are stalemated. Prosecutors promise to seek another trial in 2010.

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Mayor Luke Ravenstahl wins re-election without opposition, calling the process a triumph for democracy and fundraising.

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A year-long celebration of Pittsburgh's 251st anniversary ends with a giant fireworks ceremony touted as the biggest ever in the region, except for the seven other occasions previously announced as the biggest ever.

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UPMC acquires One Oxford Centre and begins constructing a 45-story-high, neon-covered, pedestrian walkway to connect it to the medical giant's headquarters in the U.S. Steel Tower.

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The Steelers' playoff chances dim as Coach Mike Tomlin instructs Ben Roethlisberger, despite a 102-degree fever, to join a Polar Bear Club's New Year's Day jump into the Monongahela River.