Fact: First lady Laura Bush confirmed to The Associated Press this month that she is planning a memoir and has met with publishers.

The Morning File hacked into her personal computer searching for a draft manuscript. This is what we found:

November 2000: He won? My George? You're kidding me, right? If I were Al Gore, I'd demand a recount of every voting district, precinct, booth and ballot from Dade County to Wasilla, Alaska. (Ha, Wasilla, Alaska, that's a funny place to pop into my head -- don't ask me where I came up with that.)

January 2001: Just received a tour of the White House from Hillary Clinton. Smart lady, sure, but honestly, I don't think I'll be using her as my interior decorator. I'm going to need the Army's strongest pressure washer to remove the tackiness from the place.

May 2001: Dick Cheney seems to be getting a little big for his britches. He was with George in the Oval Office when I tried to come in to talk about our daughters' sassing me. That Cheney shut the door right in my face! Now I know how Diane Keaton felt in "Godfather Part II."

October 2001: Iraq, Iraq, Iraq -- that's all George seems to want to talk about any more. Whenever I ask him what Iraq had to do with 9/11, he turns the volume up high on a baseball playoff game and pretends not to hear me. If he starts a war unnecessarily, I'll have to consider divorcing him. I sure don't want the history books listing me as wife of America's worst president.

January 2002: I can't watch the late-night talk shows any more. They're so unfair and relentless in teasing George, and David Letterman is so smug I'd like to pop him. But after George goes to bed on Saturday nights, I sneak into the parlor to watch "Saturday Night Live." Every time Will Farrell does that impersonation with the "strategery" line, it's a hoot.

October 2002: I could swear I saw Monica Lewinsky in a group of people George was chatting with after a college speech today. I'm sure I was only imagining things, but if she does come around my man, oooo, that beret-wearing %(#• is toast.

March 2003: I'm having second thoughts about George seeking a second term. Being first lady isn't nearly as much fun as I thought it would be. I always feel like the Secret Service guys are staring at me behind their sunglasses, and no matter what dress or hair style I wear, someone is always criticizing. Even at the ranch in Texas, I can't put on those tight blue jean shorts George likes.

December 2003: George's mother and father came to Christmas dinner at the White House today. They've never seemed to like me. Barbara complained her goose was too dry, even though I'd given the chef very specific directions about how she liked it. I went into the bathroom and had a good cry until they left. Sometimes I wonder how George ever came from that woman's womb.

October 2004: Met Teresa Heinz Kerry for the first time before one of the debates. What is it about money that makes rich people so kooky?

November 2004: Four more years! Four more years! Four more -- oh crap, when is this ever going to end?

June 2005: We invited the Council of Economic Advisers for tea in the West Wing, and I put my foot in my mouth. I asked if maybe the perky housing market was a charade that could collapse, with bad effects rippling through the rest of the financial industry, and they nearly bit my head off. Greenspan just sat there laughing at me. Guess I'll keep my big fat librarian's mouth shut next time.

February 2006: It really seems like Hillary Clinton is going to run for president in two years. Who does she think she is? I'm sure not feeling qualified to be president based on my time here. Then again, look at who I had to learn from.

December 2006: George seemed sadder than ever about his sagging approval ratings, so I ordered from Netflix one of those old Clint Eastwood comedies with the orangutan as his sidekick. George laughed his head off, and it seemed like the war, the deficit and health care crisis just never happened. It's a good thing he doesn't let such things bother him most of the time -- he'd be a real downer to live with.

August 2007: I can't keep straight all these Republicans running to succeed George. It'd be easier to match a name with a face if they came around just once to ask his help and advice. George says he doesn't take it personally, that it's just politics, but I don't believe him -- he was acting more petulant than usual last night during the family Uno game.

January 2008: I saw that black senator from Illinois on TV tonight after winning the Iowa caucuses. He sounded nice and would certainly be a change for the country -- it's a shame he doesn't have a chance.

May 2008: So the party's going to nominate John McCain, huh? I can live with that. I wouldn't look for George to suddenly be his best buddy though. It's not like they can swap old war stories together or anything.

November 2008: Before the Obamas made their first visit to the White House, George made a crack about hiding the silverware. I punched him on the shoulder so hard that I don't think he'll ever try that joke again.