Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: I went on a great first date with a guy I could really like. We met at a bookstore author's reading one night, then we ran into each other a few times after that, and eventually he asked me out. The date was perfect: no awkward silences, great conversation, lots of laughing, kiss good night. Two days later, I got an e-mail in which he said he had a great time and asked me out again, so I called him to say "yes." He didn't call me back, but two days later I got an e-mail suggesting the day and time. I e-mailed him back and we did go out, and it was great. Then the same thing happened again! On the third date, I brought it up, and he said he was just really busy and e-mail is the same thing as calling. Is this the way things are done now, planning dates via e-mail? I don't feel right making dates without talking to him. Am I old-fashioned, or should he just pick up the phone?

-- JUST CALL ME

DEAR JUST: No, you're not old-fashioned. He's just lazy and discourteous (two seriously un-hot traits). No man is ever too busy to call a woman he likes. And there is no excuse -- except hospitalization, jail or death -- for not calling you back. Nip this habit in the bud before it becomes a regular thing. Simply explain that you aren't comfortable dating someone who doesn't call you back. Don't worry, he has enough neurons to understand that concept. E-mail is a great icebreaker and supplement to real conversation, but unless you plan to e-marry one day ...

Cat's Call: Your man has to learn to dial a phone.

DEAR CAT: I am a 37-year-old woman. My brother, who is 17 years older, is getting married for the fifth time. He has six kids from previous marriages and a long pattern of cheating. When I asked why he's cheated, he says he "wanted some excitement." His latest wife-to-be is my age and probably unaware of his past. I can't forgive all the pain he has caused so many people, especially his children (only two of whom speak to him) and our beloved parents, who have been happily married for more than 50 years. I've thought about it a lot, and I just don't want him in my life. My parents believe I should love him and have a relationship with him because he is my brother. I think the only person he truly loves is himself. It's sad. For the first time in my life, I don't worship and adore my big brother. Who is right, my aging parents or me?

-- DISAPPOINTED LITTLE SIS

DEAR D.L.S.: Neither is right or wrong. You have every right to choose which people to have in your life and to what extent. But a big brother is a special thing. Yes, yours is selfish and a poster boy for infidelity, but if you love him at all, you'd miss him if you cut him out of your life completely. Plus, doing so could put a strain on your parents. Since you're his sister, not his spouse ...

Cat's Call: You can judge him on how good a brother he is rather than how bad a husband he has been.