Perhaps someone should invent a GPS device for moviemakers. That way they wouldn't travel all over creation, bouncing around like they're lost without provisions, as in "Beer for My Horses."

Toby Keith fans won't be mystified by the title. It belongs to a 2002 hit song the country-music artist recorded with Willie Nelson and included on his "Unleashed" album.

After some lyrics about finding a tall oak, rounding up the bad boys and hanging them high, the song proposes meeting at the local saloon and raising glasses against evil forces "singing whiskey for my men, beer for my horses."

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'Beer for My Horses'

1 1/2 stars = Bad
Ratings explained

• Starring: Toby Keith, Rodney Carrington, Claire Forlani.
• Rating: PG-13 for some violence, sexual humor and dialogue, language, drug content and brief nudity.
• Web site: 'Beer for My Horses'

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The men in this case are a couple of deputies, one of whom makes Barney Fife look like lawman of the year. "Beer" is set in a small Southern town where the sheriff (Tom Skerritt) orders three of his men -- Rack (Keith), Lonnie (Rodney Carrington) and Skunk (Ted Nugent) -- to safeguard fertilizer tanks from meth-lab operators.

The lawmen nab a handful of thieves, including a Mexican drug trafficker whose brother threatens to kill Rack. He can take care of himself, but a former girlfriend named Annie (Claire Forlani) is put in grave danger.

"My God, she was hotter than doughnut grease in high school," Lonnie says of Annie, who spent a spell in the big city. "Still is," Rack adds.

Like a car with bad shocks, "Beer" bounces from comedy to action movie to road picture to drug drama to good ol' boy throwback. Its turns are sudden and sharp, as when a carload of characters ends up visiting with some circus folks.

Michael Salomon, whose credits until now were limited to award-winning music videos, directs, and the script is by first-time feature screenwriters Keith and Carrington.

All of this inexperience shows, although Keith, who played a fading country star in 2006's "Broken Bridges," has raw screen presence and works well alongside veterans such as Forlani and Skerritt. Carrington simply seems to be having a grand time.

Keith was trying to recapture the fun of such late 1970s, early 1980s movies such as "Smokey and the Bandit" and "The Cannonball Run." But that time has come and gone, and in the end, "Beer" is a mess, spiked with gimmicks and gags and an anything-goes attitude.

A pig hunt? A flatulent dog? A happy hooker? A restroom sing-along? Babes flashing their (unseen) breasts? A man on fire? Nothing is off the table, making for one overloaded movie meal.