As mistresses go (mine already went), it seems to me there's a big difference between "an old" one and "the last" one. And there's the added ambiguity of the English word "last," which can mean either "final" or "most recent."

Forgive me for saddling you with linguistic issues so early in the morning and in the review, but that's what happens when they translate "Une Vieille Maitresse" as "The Last Mistress." You might not care much, but you can be damn sure the mistress would.

Especially the one called "La Vellini" (Asia Argento), described by her 19th-century creator as "a capricious flamenca who can outstare the sun." She's from Spain, but she and we are in Paris during the heady reign of Louis Philippe. It's party central in aristocratic circles, and no aristocrat parties harder than Ryno de Marigny (Fu'ad Ait Aattou), as handsome a cad as ever existed.

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'The Last Mistress'

3 stars = Good
Ratings explained

• Starring: Asia Argento, Fu'ad Ait Aattou.
• Rating: R in nature for nudity and sexuality. In French with English subtitles.
• Web site: http://www.ifcfilms.com

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Ryno is ready to forsake his caddish ways, now that he's betrothed to the virginal and wealthy Hermangarde (Roxane Mesquida). But his reputation precedes him, and his 10 years with mistress Vellini precedes and threatens his wedding. Tongues wag in Parisian society, while Ryno tells all about his past -- in flashback -- to Hermangarde's doting grandmother as Vellini refuses to bow out of his present life gracefully.

Based on the bodice-ripper novel by Jules Barbey d'Aurevilly (1808-89), this "Mistress" is sumptuously and sensuously directed by Catherine Breillat, who empathized with the perverse tastes of her anti-heroine. "I hate everything feminine -- except in young men, of course," says Vellini. She and Breillat are both fascinated by androgynous men who exhibit a kind of dazzling beauty without being effeminate or sexually ambivalent.

In that sense, she could not have better cast the role of Ryno. Newcomer Fu'ad Ait Aattou (he should ponder a name change) bears an amazing resemblance to the young Mick Jagger of Nick Roeg's "Performance" (1970), complete with full lips that could be the model for the Stones' mouth-and-tongue trademark. Vellini may be the mistress, but Ryno, ironically, becomes her boy toy -- and heaven help him if he scorns her. "Spanish women can sense an insult," she says, "and they can hate better than they can love."

This hyper-eroticized tale of burning passions vs. romantic ideals is set in a Balzacian time (1835), when the opera was a place to go for gossip, not music, and the drama was in the boxes, not on stage: "Ten years together, without being compelled by law?" whispers one lady, passing her binoculars to another. "That's unheard of in Paris!"

If Aattou's been with Argento 10 years, he'd have to have been about 12 when they started. Which is to say, he's gorgeous but unconvincing, while Argento, for her part, is a too-believable Vampyra, licking his blood thirstily after he is wounded in a duel over her. "Am I your slave?" he asks, when she locks him in her room. "No, my prisoner," she replies, then adds -- glancing below his waist -- "later you'll be my slave."

This is sexy stuff, for a costume drama.

Michael Lonsdale adds weight as tattletale Vicomte de Prony, who attributes the declining morals of the day to "the perverse influence of over-provocative novels on female common sense." As grandmere Marquise de Flers, Claude Sarraute looks a lot like Helen Mirren's QE2 -- charmed by Ryno despite her awareness that he's a penniless adventurer: "In the 18th century, we weren't as narrow-minded as they are in this one."

The overall beauty of the production almost -- but not quite -- overcomes its pretentious self-indulgence and S-L-O-W-N-E-S-S.

Bottom line: The lust is a bust, but the eye candy is dandy.

Opens today at the Manor Theater.