DEAR CAT: My wife and I had our first child several months ago. We were very excited, and we love our little girl. But the effects of pregnancy and overeating took a lamentable toll on my wife's body. She has put on several pounds and now has large dark stretch marks that have completely changed her shape and look. She looks nothing like the person I married.

Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

To be honest, my feelings for her have completely changed. I've recently discovered that I am completely turned off by overweight girls. I never knew that was so much the case until I was married to one. We used to have so much physical and emotional chemistry. She's changed so much I think it may cost us our marriage. No amount of counseling or "spicing up the sex life" is going be the solution. What should I do to save a basically dead romance? I think I need to tell her she needs to make some lifestyle changes if she wants to save our marriage. Am I wrong to ask her this? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but losing our marriage would be worse. -- NEW DAD

DEAR N.D.: If "she" wants to save the marriage? On that note, I held an informal Cat Poll where fathers, new and old, shared their "calls" on your situation. I hereby defer to them and offer you the privilege of reading their advice, unedited, except for profanity. This is a Cat's Call first.

Enjoy...

• "You don't like how your wife looks right now? How do you think she feels? You're a selfish [expletive]."

• "This guy has no idea what his wife just went through."

• "It's only been a few months. He is really jumping the gun."

• "If you're so concerned about her looks, put your money where your mouth is: Hire a nanny so your wife isn't exhausted all the time and pay for a personal trainer."

• "You selfish, [expletive] [expletive]. You put in 10 minutes of work and think nothing of the work your wife endured to nourish and grow your child. ... Think about your wife's feelings instead of your own."

• "You're willing to end your marriage over stretch marks and temporary poundage? This is why the divorce rate is so high and the reason a license should be required to have children."

• "Women's bodies go through huge changes during pregnancy, and not all women can easily undo those changes within a few months. He should have thought about all this beforehand."

• "There are ways to fix stretch marks and extra weight. There's no way to fix his being a [jerk]."

Cat's reality check: Your wife's body has not changed everything. Everything has just changed, and now you must change, too. It's sad that you're comparing your wife, the mother of your child, to random "overweight girls." What should you do to save your marriage?

Cat's Call: Grow up.

DEAR CAT: How can you have a relationship with a man who frequently goes to strip clubs? I recently found this out about a man I've known for about a year and a half, and whom I've been dating for a few months. I only see him every other weekend, but what should I do here? He doesn't know that I know he goes to the clubs. Should I break up with him and tell him what a loser he is? -- DISGUSTED

DEAR DISGUSTED: 1.) Lots of women have relationships with men who frequent strip clubs -- some of them just aren't aware of it or they pretend to accept it. 2.) If you're "disgusted" with the guy you're seeing and think of him as a "loser," there's nowhere for the relationship to go. 3.) ...

Cat's Call: No. 2 said it all.