Well, you know Grandma. She leaves the price tags on gifts, disparages everyone's spouse and has developed a racist streak a mile wide. Bless her heart.

You've noticed it in your family, and I've noticed it in mine: We cut the old folks some slack. Behavior that would get you into a shouting match with your sister or smart-aleck nephew somehow seems less incendiary when perpetrated by an AARP member. You just shake your head and say, "Now, Uncle Fred, you know that's not right" or busy yourself with the Jell-O salad and pretend you don't see the display of obscene whittling.

A researcher at Purdue University has studied this phenomenon and determined why we don't fight with our older loved ones. Mostly, it's because we worry that they're not going to be around very much longer. Who wants to battle to have the last word if it might actually be the last word?

This is why, for example, Pittsburgh will forgive iconic DJ Porky Chedwick for moving to Florida. The guy is 90. There are only so many platters left for him to push, and if he wants to Porkulate under a palm tree, hey, he's earned it.

"Faced with the exact same annoying, rude or inappropriate behavior," Professor Karen Fingerman said, "[respondents] would say if it were the young person, they would confront them. But if it were the older person, they would be forgiving."

There are limits, though.

A 76-year-old grandma named Betty Neumar sits in jail in North Carolina. According to an Associated Press story, people close to her have a remarkable habit of expiring. When she talked to her grandson about her plan to take out $100,000 of life insurance on him with herself as the beneficiary, he swallowed his gum.

Why couldn't she stick to the card with $5 in it?

Right now, Betty is accused of hiring a hit man to kill her fourth husband. His death got the authorities wondering about the deaths of her first child and three more of her five husbands.

There are men who have doubts about marrying a woman who has a teenager, or a tendency to snore. Betty must make a really mean casserole.

Really mean.

According to the story, "No motive has been discussed, but records and interviews with relatives and police officials paint Neumar as a domineering matriarch consumed by money."

And?

That hardly makes her a cold-blooded killer. It makes her Lady Bracknell from "The Importance of Being Earnest."

The brother of one of her late husbands has been bugging North Carolina authorities to hunt for arsenic on Betty's old lace for more than 20 years. He's clearly not a fan.

"You can't trust her," he told the AP. "You can't believe a word she says."

He also called her orange prison jumpsuit "the prettiest outfit I've ever seen her in."

Yow. There's a time and a place for remarks like those, and I believe in most families it's Thanksgiving.

Prosecutors called Betty a flight risk, and the judge wouldn't lower her $500,000 bond. Oh, come on. Really? For a nice old churchgoing granny who ran beauty shops and raised money for charity? What's she gonna do, shoot up an early-bird buffet?

Um. The assistant district attorney says she used 28 aliases on passports, credit cards and driver's licenses. Twenty-eight aliases! My grandmother could barely remember the names of her three daughters. In the end, she just called everyone "Honey."

And the grandson who got freaked out by the insurance overture described how Betty would behave "one way in public -- especially church -- and another behind closed doors." Such as "use of obscenities and belittling of relatives" and, impressively, "fist fights at family functions."

Can you imagine? Your granny comes up to you at Christmas and says, "Hello, dear. Did you get the sweater I sent for your birthday?"

"Oh, yeah, Grandma -- it's great! I love fuchsia, and you really did a great job with your Bedazzler. Thanks!"

"You never sent me a thank-you card, you ungrateful little [startlingly bad word]!" POW! And she hauls off with a roundhouse that sends you reeling into the china cabinet.

You probably shouldn't mention the price tag.

What can you do with a geriatric menace like that? Well, she won't be around forever. She may end up in the pen.

Bless her heart.