Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: I live in Washington, D.C. I'm going to be the best man in a wedding in Kentucky one year from now. The bachelor party will be in Austin, Texas, three weeks before that. Between flights to Austin and Louisville hotels, a bachelor's weekend and a wedding gift, it all adds up quickly. The wedding will be an extravagant affair for 300 people -- a radical change from the local parishes and American Legion Halls I grew up with. I just learned we will bear the cost of our own tuxedos. Is it standard practice to ask someone to be in a wedding, then request they pay their share? Seems tacky to me. I wouldn't invite someone to dinner then ask them to split the cost. And I feel bad asking the groomsmen to pony up. I'll heed your advice even though I suspect you will tell me to suck it up. If so, can you advise a tactful way to break this to the groomsmen? -- BROKE BEST MAN

DEAR B.B.M.: Yep, your suspicion is correct, so here's how you break it to the groomsmen: straight and dirty. Near financial ruin is a common downside of being in a wedding party -- especially if you have to travel. In those cases, I think it's nice if the required uniforms (tuxes in this case) are on the house, but, alas, that is rarely the case. Tacky? Perhaps. Best to simply be honored.

Cat's Call: Have as much fun as you can so the cost won't seem so bad.

DEAR CAT: I was married for 20 years, and I'm currently going through a long (several years), drawn-out divorce. I've always wanted kids, and my ex-to-be never wanted to have a family. I've met a great woman who has two children, and we've lived together for about a year. The problem is she wants us to get married and have a child as soon as my divorce is done. I'm 48 and still want children, but is this too much too fast? I want to be happy with a family, but I do not want to go through the hell of separation and divorce again. What is your advice? -- NO REPEAT

DEAR N.R.: You need distance from wife No. 1 before freaking out about divorce No. 2. Separation isn't enough; your wife needs to be part of your past. If you're genuinely happy and secure, moving fast can be great. If you're anxious and full of resentment, moving fast is stupid. I'm sure your current girlfriend wants to know you're not just biding time with her. But do not get married until you feel 100 percent sure it's who and what you want, and do not get married until you're 100 percent honest about the kind of life you want to have. Do you want children with this woman, or do you just want children eventually? Do you adore her and want to spend the rest of your life with her, or do you just like living with her? You've already lived together for a year.

Cat's Call: If you wouldn't happily choose to marry her today, go find an apartment.