At the North Side Giant Eagle, parking is at a premium. There's a double row of spaces running the width of the storefront, a shorter single row behind that and a narrow overflow lot farther back that leads out to a main street.

This is the only grocery store in the neighborhood. Turnover in the parking lot is brisk, but it's always pretty full.

One day last week I hurried there to pick up a couple of things and I spotted two empty spaces in the front row near the entrance. Sweet! But as I started to turn into the nearer space, I saw that it was already occupied.

Rather, the farthest quarter of the space was occupied. So was the adjacent quarter of the next space over, as well as the inner corners of the two spaces in the row behind -- all by the same car.

That's right -- some driver had monopolized four spaces by parking directly over where they intersected. It was a small red SUV and looked brand-new.

We're all used to seeing really nice rides straddling two spaces so the paint job won't get dinged by careless door-openers or cart-pushers. I don't have any problem with that, so long as the worrywart parks far enough away from the building entrance that he's not inconveniencing other people.

But I've never seen anyone arrogant enough to take four spaces anywhere -- especially not in a small lot so near the door.

We've all also probably heard of someone deliberately scratching such a knucklehead's car. I think I can confidently say I would never do that, but I must confess I lusted after it in my heart.

I wanted to key that car. I wanted to leave a note with a well-chosen vulgarity tucked under the windshield wiper. I wanted to hang around a little while and see just what kind of inconsiderate so-and-so would do this.

But then what would I do? What is there to say to the kind of person who slams through life like the rest of us are just bugs to be swatted out of his way?

What you need in a situation like this is someone with fearsome social power to figuratively kick the offender's butt. A visibly sick kid with big, reproachful eyes. A righteous grandma brandishing a cane. Or Sidney Crosby.

Last year "Sid the Kid" displayed an impulse that's exactly the opposite of the one motivating the North Side's parking monster. He considered the needs of the team and re-signed with the Penguins for less money than he could have gotten.

Last week Marian Hossa said he too would be willing to make less in order to keep as much of this amazing team together as possible.

Sure, it's a move that ultimately helps both men by making it more likely they'll win the Stanley Cup. But it still requires sacrifice in the near term. They put the team's future, and the city's psyche -- and, oh heck, the rightness of the cosmos -- ahead of their already respectable bank accounts.

It's a win-win and win some more.

But really brazen types only think "win." They don't think, "I'll park back here, out of other people's way, protect my car and get a little exercise too."

You can't guide these knuckleheads into enlightenment either.

I learned this the hard way, long ago in another city, when I ended up sitting next to a couple who had somehow smuggled an entire picnic into a movie theater. It was, "Hon, can you hand me the chicken?" and "This is good cheese -- want some cheese?" the whole darn afternoon.

When the manager finally intervened, the male picnicker informed me my problem was that I'm too uptight -- which was true (I had two toddlers at home, had hired a baby sitter to escape for a while, and a couple of yahoos were ruining it) and which did nothing to excuse their obnoxious incivility.

Those cheerful sociopaths are undoubtedly raising a new generation like themselves to bring peace to their community and joy to the world.

You can't reason with them, and you can't make them feel bad about themselves. Since what they like to do is to sow discord and control others, the only power you have is to let it go and walk away.

And go home and tell your kids: "Never, ever be that guy. Him, I walk away from. Your butts -- those I'll kick." Well, figuratively.