DEAR CAT: The guy I have been seeing was recently offered a job in another state. I knew from Day 1 that this could happen, but I looked past it because we weren't serious. He's a great person who I'd be happy to be with, but I'm in tune with the reality of the situation.

There is no question we're interested in each other, but I'm not naive. I want to be mature and smart -- the way I've been all along -- and tell him it's over. Then he can make his decision and I'll move on, regardless of what he chooses. There is a chance he could stick around, but it's all up in the air, and I don't want to probe him about what he's going to do. I can't tell him I want to see where this goes when he doesn't even know where he'll be working in a couple of months. That would be incredibly selfish of me when he has to make a big decision. Right? -- THINKING AHEAD

DEAR T.A.: Wrong, wrong, wrong. It's not selfish to say you like him and want to see where the relationship goes -- it's a compliment! Life is full of big decisions, and sometimes we have to make several at once, so why must his job and your relationship be mutually exclusive topics? The answer is they don't have to be. Long distance is tough, but a change in geography doesn't mean the relationship must end.

Cat's Call: It could be just the beginning.

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DEAR CAT: I have been dating a girl for a little more than a year now. We have a lot in common: two kids each, graduate degrees, religion, divorce, ethnicity and more. I like her, and we get along well. The problem: her parents. They live close by, and she depends on them for help with her kids. I don't have a problem with that. I do have a problem with them constantly stopping by unannounced. Recently, they came in late on a weekend evening without knocking and walked in on us in the living room (thankfully, we were only watching a movie). I'm over 40 and she is almost 40. I don't need a chaperone or to be supervised. When I explain this to her, she says she accepts it because it isn't going to change. I say she needs to speak up. What do you say? -- NO CHAPERONE NEEDED

DEAR NO: You're 100 percent right. But it's doubtful she'll risk rocking the boat with her parents. You can say you're too uncomfortable spending "date time" at her place if her parents stroll in and out at their leisure, particularly at unusual times. But why do they pop in late on weekend nights without knocking or calling first? Her kids hardly need to be baby-sat when they're catching z's and mommy's in the next room. I'd say they're trying to make sure they won't soon be baby-sitting three kids. Or they just don't like you. You did say that you "like" the "girl" you've been dating for more than a year.

Cat's Call: You're over 40, pal. Talk like it.