Christine Chojnicki, a 51-year-old widow in Brookline, is a casualty of war although she has never carried a weapon, worn a uniform or served in the military.

Her husband, Sgt. Les J. Chojnicki, served with the Army in Vietnam from 1969 to 1971. They married in 1982. He died at age 51 of complications from Agent Orange in March 2003.

"Many times he told me that he died over there already," Ms. Chojnicki said. "Really what happened was that he died a slow death here.

"The whole thing affects me because he's not here now. It's affecting me emotionally, economically and psychologically."

What's worse, however, is the neglect and indifference Ms. Chojnicki and other widows -- and widowers -- of military personnel feel. According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, there were nearly 1 million surviving military spouses as of September 2007 receiving either pensions or service-connected compensation. The actual number, a VA spokeswoman said, is higher, as the figure does not include surviving spouses of military personnel who have died in operations Iraqi Freedom and Enduring Freedom, or those receiving no government aid.

Ms. Chojnicki is a member of the Greater Pittsburgh Chapter of the Gold Star Wives of America, a congressionally chartered service organization for spouses of military service members who died in the armed forces or as a result of service-connected disabilities. Despite the name, surviving male spouses are members, too, but none in Pittsburgh.

The 63-year-old group has chapters in all 50 states and 10,000 members nationwide, although leaders believe there are another 350,000 potential members. While playing a key role in securing recognition and benefits for survivors, it is little known outside of veterans' circles.

Part of that is due to the all-volunteer nature of the group, which relies on word-of-mouth. The other part is that some survivors don't believe they can have any impact on what seems to be an impenetrable bureaucracy.

That anonymity has been apparent more than once at high-profile Pittsburgh events honoring the military. At parades and memorial dedications, Ms. Chojnicki and other members of Gold Star Wives, who wear distinctive yellow jackets and hats, have been called Gold Star Mothers or otherwise misidentified.

"It's almost like some people are afraid that we're here," Ms. Chojnicki said. "I really think people are uncomfortable with it.

"You have to honor those who were the survivors. It's dug up a lot of hurt, a lot of emotions."

The fact that many Gold Star Wives are seniors may have something to do with the misidentification, even though Gold Star Mothers wear white jackets.

Lela Matthews, president of the Pittsburgh chapter, says mothers' importance is implicit because they lost their sons.

"But those sons are our husbands," said Ms. Matthews, whose husband, Pfc. Ernest L. Matthews Jr., died in 1961 in an accident near Fort Lewis, Wash. "We want to be recognized for that connection."

According to Dr. Michael Vorenberg, an assistant professor of history at Brown University, military widows have always played activist roles. Their insistence of personalized grave markers for the dead after the dedication of the Gettysburg battlefield in 1863 shifted the country away from its previous practice of burials in unmarked mass graves.

Dr. Vorenberg has said widows began placing flowers on both Union and Confederate soldiers' graves in a practice that became known as Decoration Day in 1868. Fourteen years later, the name was changed to Memorial Day. Not until 1971 was it declared a national holiday.

Gold Star Wives' Pittsburgh chapter includes two widows born before World War I, but the bulk of the 117 members are from the World War II-Korean War era. While there are quarterly meetings and updates on benefits information, the chapter's most important function is letting people know they're not alone.

Ms. Matthews has been a member since 1974. When her husband died, the couple's son was just 4 months old; she was 21.

"You do feel a part of you has died," said Ms. Matthews, 68, of Schenley Heights. "Your child has lost a part of him, too."

Spending time with other members -- many volunteer at the VA hospitals or participate in local Veterans and Memorial day programs -- has helped Ms. Matthews.

"It does provide a bond just to let people know they're not alone," she said.

The role of widows of war has evolved over time. While memorializing spouses has always been a major effort of survivors, the events of 9/11 created thousands of widows and widowers whose spouses had no connection to the military, although they are considered to have served the country in its war on terror.

Some survivors, such as Lisa Beamer, whose husband, Todd, uttered the now famous "Let's roll" directive on United Flight 93, developed foundations. Others, like Deena Burnett, whose husband, Tom, also was on Flight 93, dedicated themselves to a lawsuit to bankrupt terrorist organizations.

Gold Star Wives' goals are providing members with information on compensation and pension information for themselves and their children, including educational benefits and medical care.

In 2003, the all-volunteer group was active in getting a law passed that allowed widows who remarried at age 57 or older to retain their "Dependency and Indemnity Compensation." The monthly DIC pension averages about $1,000.

For the past two years, the group has focused on several bills in Congress. Two of the bills -- H.R. 1927 and S.B. 935 -- seek to repeal what's known as the "offset."

To accept DIC, current law requires an equal cut in the military Survivor Benefit Plan, which has premiums paid by members of the military. Premiums paid on the portion of the SBP that are lost are returned in a lump sum to the surviving spouse, but without interest.

It needs to be changed, said Rose Lee, chairman of the Gold Star Wives' government relations committee, because the two payments have different purposes. About 60,000 survivors are affected.

DIC is tax-free, and it compensates for a service-connected death and the resulting economic loss. SBP is like life insurance.

Both of the bills remain in committee.

"There's no logic to it," said Ms. Chojnicki, "and it's hurting a lot of families."

Gold Star Wives leaders believe if more survivors contacted their elected representatives, it would expedite the bills in Congress.

"Our older widows really don't understand that they should participate in our government," said Edith Smith, 68, of Springfield, Va., a member of the government relations committee. "Some even worry that if they meet their members of Congress then they might lose whatever benefits they already have.

"Our newer widows are caught up with the actual grief of losing their husbands."

Ms. Smith, whose husband died in 1998, said what's needed is a new philosophy.

"We don't leave the dead on the battlefields," she said. "Why would we leave their widows behind?"