Text Size:
A|
A|
A
Email
Print
"What Happens in Vegas" ... is the movie equivalent of snake eyes.
If you've seen the preview, you can figure out where the movie is going. And that can be OK if the journey is pleasant.
But it's not, for the most part, and you may find yourself agreeing with the churlish judge who tells the I-want-it-now-generation characters, "I don't like you. I don't like any of you."
- Starring: Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher
- Rating: PG-13 for some sexual and crude content, and language, including a drug reference
- Web site: 'What Happens in Vegas'
"What Happens" is a romantic comedy about a pair of strangers who meet and marry within hours of landing in Vegas. They're both there licking their wounds and sucking down enough alcohol to leave a normal person comatose.
Commodities trader Joy (Cameron Diaz) has gone to Vegas with gal pal Tipper (Lake Bell) to recover from the humiliation of being dumped by her fiance as a roomful of party guests waited to surprise him for his birthday.
Jack (Ashton Kutcher) has just been fired -- by his furniture-maker father -- so he and lawyer friend Steve "Hater" Hader (Rob Corddry) also head to Vegas. The foursome accidentally end up in the same hotel room, which prompts a ridiculous and adolescent amount of shrieking, screaming and overreaction.
A later dare for a single drink turns into many drinks and a quickie wedding for Joy and Jack. The next morning, they agree the marriage was a mistake, but Jack plugs one of Joy's quarters into a slot machine and wins $3 million.
Back in New York, when the pair end up in court to sort out the marriage and the money, Judge Whopper (Dennis Miller) lashes out at them. He freezes the fortune and sentences them to "six months of hard marriage," with weekly counseling sessions with Dr. Twitchell (Queen Latifah).
The movie plays out from there, with few laughs or surprises, despite a pair of stars who spark on screen. But good-looking actors aren't enough when the screenplay relies on threadbare bits involving stinky bedclothes, toilet seats and women who switch from sexy underwear to flesh-tone bras and "PMS pants."
As for Joy's complaints about the cleanliness of Jack's apartment, she is a commodities trader who kept her $30,000 engagement ring, so it's natural to assume she could spring for a cleaning service or 1,200-thread count sheets, if she wanted.
But "What Happens" is from the same woman, Dana Fox, who penned "The Wedding Date." In that comedy, Debra Messing hires an escort played by Dermot Mulroney to pose as her boyfriend for her sister's wedding. The posh English locations were the best thing about that movie.
"What Happens" is like a protracted episode of "Friends," which in fact featured Ross and Rachel getting drunk and marrying in Vegas in 1999.
In the end, "What Happens in Vegas" is lazy. It takes the easy way out and wastes too much time with booze and boobs of both sexes. Like Vegas, it's often on full tilt, even though its leads shine in their quiet, heartfelt moments.
