Some 150,000 children and young adults in the United States die from accidents or illness every year, according to a survey done by the support group, the Compassionate Friends Inc.

When such a tragedy occurs, family, friends, neighbors -- even compassionate strangers -- are often moved to help the grieving family, but wonder what to do.

Professionals who practice in the field of thanotology, the study of death, including the needs of surviving family members, suggest several tactics for offering meaningful support.

Deborah Bowen, a social worker and co-author of "A Good Friend for Bad Times: Helping Others Through Grief,'' said in a phone interview this week from her Wrightsville Beach, N.C., home that receiving help and encouragement from others is often vital to those struggling to deal with an overwhelming loss.

How a concerned person can help, Ms. Bowen said, depends on how close he or she is to the grieving family. Extended family members may be able to help with personal matters, such as making sure bills are paid on time. A close friend can simply sit with the grieving person. Neighbors and church organizations can help with chores, Ms. Bowen suggested.

She also recommends that organizations, or groups of friends, coordinate a memorial, such as planting a tree.

"A memorial can give the family a place to go and feel the life of their loved one in a concrete way,'' she said.

A grieving family may not even realize what they need help with, Ms. Bowen cautioned. So, instead of saying, "Let me know if I can do anything," she recommended that those who want to help ask specific questions, such as: "I am going to the grocery store this afternoon. What can I pick up for your family?"

David Roberts, who lost a daughter and who teaches a course on parental bereavement at Utica College, said that assistance such as Ms. Bowen suggested is helpful because grieving parents are often low on energy and struggle with daily tasks. He did not return to his normal energy levels, he said, until more than two years after his daughter's death. Jeannine Roberts, 18, died of a rare form of cancer in 2003.

Experts also agree that support should be long-term. Grieving the loss of a child, Mr. Roberts said, is a lifelong process and the people who have been the most helpful to him are those who continue to support him, years later.

Holidays such as Mother's Day on Sunday are among the most painful times for grieving parents. How families want to recognize these holidays varies, she said.

"Ask the family how they want to spend the holiday. Maybe they want to be left alone, or maybe they would like to go out."

Both Ms. Bowen and Mr. Roberts agree that there are certain things people should never say to a grieving parent. Among the no-nos they both admonished: "You can have another," and "You have other children," and "Why don't you move on with your life?"

Wayne Loder, public awareness coordinator with the Compassionate Friends, agrees that platitudes are more hurtful than helpful. Mr. Loder, who lost two children in a 1991 car accident -- Stephen, 5, and Stephanie, 8-- said that people should not tell a family, "I know how you feel," or "God only gives people what they can handle."

Experts agree, however that people should not avoid the grieving family out of a fear of not knowing what to say. Instead, they recommend, that one talk about the life of the child or simply listen to parents as they talk about the child.

Supporters should not hesitate to use the child's name, Mr. Roberts said. People are often afraid to talk about the deceased out of a fear of upsetting the parent, he said. "We're already upset. When a person asks me about Jeannine, he is learning about her life, and honoring me as a parent."

Mr. Loder also advises people not to be afraid to cry with the family.

"Crying is a tribute to the lost child," he said.

Experts also say that groups can help a grieving family by offering therapy or support from families who have been through a similar experience. Below is a list of some organizations that provide support to grieving families.

• Compassionate Friends. The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help, support organization for bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. The organization holds annual conferences for grieving families.

For more, call 1-877-969-0010 or visit www.compassionatefriends.org. The organization has more than 600 chapters. For more on the local chapter, visit www.tcfpittsburgh.org.

• Highmark Caring Place. Parents facing the loss of a child can find support at the Caring Place for surviving siblings. Also, parents are able to attend some grief sessions with their children. For more, visit www.highmarkcaringplace.com.

• The Good Grief Center. This local, nonprofit group is a comprehensive resource and referral center that provides support to grieving families. The group offers workshops, a library of related books, and a family program for children, teens and their families. For more, visit www.goodgriefcenter.com or call 412-461-1776.

• Contact Pittsburgh. This is a 24-hour crisis hot line. 412-820-HELP (4357).

Churches and religions groups often provide support to grieving families.

Westminster Presbyterian Church in Upper St. Clair offers a 13-week program twice a year called "Grief Share." This is open to the public and is a weekly seminar and support group. For more, call 412-835-6630.

Some other groups that provide specialized support and how to reach them:

• Mothers Against Drunk Driving: www.madd.org.

• The SIDS Alliance: www.sidsalliance.org.

• Survivors of Suicide: www.survivorsofsuicide.com.

• Parents of Murdered Children: www.pomc.com.

• SHARE Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support: www.nationalshareoffice.com.

Ms. Bowen's book is published by Augsburg Fortress Publishers and sells for $12.99. The book is available on www.amazon.com.