A remarriage that involves children has even less chance of success than marriage in general -- the failure rate is 60 percent for the former and just under 50 percent for the latter.

Elizabeth Einstein

Two programs this week:

"The Stepfamily Journey: Not for Wimps" will offer families a "trail map" through predictable stumbling blocks at 6:30 p.m. Thursday in Room 2017 of the Cathedral of Learning, University of Pittsburgh.

"Strengthening Stepfamilies: A Developmental Approach" is a daylong seminar for professionals to help them work more effectively with stepfamilies. It will run 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. Friday in the same location.

For fees, scholarships and registration, call the Pitt School of Social Work, 412-624-3711.

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It doesn't have to be that way, according to Elizabeth Einstein, the pioneering stepfamily expert. That's why she keeps traveling the country talking to parents, clergy and counselors about the need to slow down the remarriage train until some critical issues have been faced and resolved. She'll be at the University of Pittsburgh for two programs this week aimed at families and the professionals who counsel them."Stepfamilies are different structurally and developmentally," Ms. Einstein said from her office in Ithaca, N.Y. "People bring emotional baggage that's never been dealt with, and it only gets more complicated" in the new configuration, with unresolved loss, grief and anger, jealousy over a new person in the house and disagreements over discipline.

One of her workshop exercises involves wrapping family groups up with cord, draping them with signs representing unresolved relationships and issues, and then asking them to see how far they can move. People may end up laughing, but in real life it's a lot less entertaining, she said.

A marriage and family therapist, Ms. Einstein co-founded the Stepfamily Association of America (now the National Stepfamily Resource Center) at a time when few recognized the special challenges of blended families. She has published a new book, "Strengthening Your Stepfamily" (Impact Publishers), and co-authored a video-based teaching tool called "Active Parenting for Stepfamilies" with Michael Popkin that recently won a Telly Award.

In her workshops for professionals, she said, "I come down pretty hard on the clergy for not preparing families correctly. Clergy are often the first ones who get hooked up when people want to remarry. They need to know how to help them."

Sometimes, she said, adults have done their work -- getting a "healthy" divorce, working to avoid adversarial relationships with their exes.

"Then the children will be better prepared," she said. "If not, they'll withdraw and rebel. That's particularly dangerous with adolescents, who may act out with drugs, sex and alcohol; young children, who can't articulate their feelings, get headaches and bellyaches and can't go to school."

Ms. Einstein said these may be her last workshops in Pittsburgh, "although I've been saying that for several years now. After 25 years of this I'm getting tired of traveling, but I just love the work."