Breakdown of the Steelers 2008 schedule with instant predictions without having done one nanosecond of research. Purely based on hunches, assumptions and last season ...

SEPTEMBER

7 -- Houston, 1 p.m.

A fifth preseason game? Oh, it's just the Texans. Steelers start season with a bang. WIN 1-0.

14 -- at Cleveland, 8:15 p.m.

Cleveland hosting a prime time game for the first time since the Reagan administration. According to Sports Illustrated, Brown(s) is the new black. Hate to say it, but the Browns are long overdue to beat the Steelers. LOSE 1-1.

21 -- at Philadelphia, 4:15 p.m.

Donovan McNabb is rapidly turning into Steve McNair given the amount of abuse and surgeries he's sustained in recent years. Steelers win battle for Keystone State supremacy. WIN 2-1

29 -- Baltimore, 8:30 p.m.

Remember the last time Baltimore visited Pittsburgh? We bet Ed Reed and Bart Scott don't ... WIN 3-1

OCTOBER

5 -- at Jacksonville, 8:15 p.m.

Annual blood match with Jax continues ... these teams should just enter the Octagon and get it over with. Overplayed subplot of the week -- holding should've been called on Garrard's run in the playoffs. Give the edge to Jax because they're home in prime time. LOSE 3-2

12 -- BYE WEEK

All that free time means one thing: a fresh round of shirtless Jeff Reed pictures will surface on the Internets.

19 -- at Cincinnati, 1 p.m.

BNG still isn't buying anything the gutless lot from the Queen City is selling. WIN 4-2

26 -- New York Giants, 4:15 p.m.

Giants acquire worst case of Super Bowl hangover in modern era -- seriously, they're gonna be 6-10 this season -- Steelers make Eli pout; Plaxico is booed lustily in his return to Heinz Field. WIN 5-2

NOVEMBER

3 -- at Washington, 8:30 p.m.

The ghost of Myron Cope haunts the boy billionaire Daniel Snyder; Lamar Woodley goes beserk on whoever the Redskins QB is these days. Note -- this will be the night before the election. Pennsylvania will be a battleground state -- look for the nominees to be in the stands with Terrible Towels (if they're smart, anyway). WIN 6-2

9 -- Indianapolis, 4:15 p.m.

The schedule, already a doozy, starts to get really interesting now, as four of the next five games will be against perennial Super Bowl favorites.

This game could go either way but the Colts are still one if, if not the most complete team in the NFL.LOSE 6-3

16 -- San Diego, 4:15 p.m.

Steelers patchwork O-Line can't handle the Chargers fearsome rush. LOSE 6-4

20 -- Cincinnati, 8:15 p.m.

You can guess what the front of the shirt says. WIN 7-4

30 -- at New England, 4:15 p.m.

Because in the name of all that is right and good in this world, BNG can't ever pick the Patriots to win ANYTHING. Even though they probably will, BNG still can't pick them. To quote Dana Carvey as Bush 41, "Nah-gahn-do-it". WIN 8-4

DECEMBER

7 -- Dallas, 4:15 p.m.

A definite flex schedule possibility -- if it gets moved to prime time, the burning question is does Jessica Simpson show up for her sweetie Tony? And if so, does Christina Aguilera represent and give her a Steel City beat down? This will be a fun game to cap the hardest stretch of the season. We like the Steelers in a shootout. WIN 9-4

14 -- at Baltimore, 1 p.m.

Unlike last year's season finale in B-more, the Steelers will actually be playing for something this time. The Ravens will too -- a really high draft pick. WIN 10-4

21 -- at Tennessee, 1 p.m.

The Steelers always drop at least one game a season they have no business losing, and this is BNG's pick. LOSE 10-5

28 -- Cleveland, 1 p.m.

Possible showdown for the division title. Cleveland wilts. WIN 11-5

So, there you have it. Steelers finish 11-5 and claim the AFC North crown and, oh, let's say a No. 3 seed in the playoffs. Just have those small matters of the draft, minicamp, training camp, injuries and the nagging formality of ACTUALLY PLAYING THE GAMES to get past. Should be cream cheese ...