Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: I am 40, my wife is 41 and we have been married close to nine years. Lately, I have been doing lots of thinking of how I really wished we had children. (Maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis early.) My wife thinks otherwise, even through adoption. It has been so much on my mind that I have even thought of the awful "D" word just to find that special someone who wants a family. I am not getting any younger, and the family lineage is on the line here. Am I being selfish? I do not want to hurt her, but this is something I really want in life and should have known several years ago I would not change her mind. -- SEARCHING FOR HONEST ADVICE

DEAR SEARCHING: This is not about being selfish. It's about wanting a certain life. Your wife is your life partner and you absolutely must talk to her -- again -- about this, especially because you've considered divorce even for a moment. Wants and needs often change over time, and she needs to know exactly what you want and how far you're willing to go in order to get it. In terms of having children, you still have plenty of time (biologically speaking). Your wife, not so much. Talk about it now.

Cat's Call: If this were a true mid-life crisis, you'd want a sports car, a toupee and a bimbo to run her fingers through it.

DEAR CAT: I have a problem with my wife's friend. She's the most negative person, and she has such a negative impact on my wife. She and I have a conversation, then she tells her friend, then she automatically comes home to me with her friend's opinion. Her friend has never had a successful relationship and is always complaining about it, and now my wife seems to have come up with problems in the very foundation of our marriage. I find myself sharing less with my wife because of it. I want her opinion, not her friend's. Right now, if my wife brings her up in conversation I ignore it as if I never heard the comment. I don't care if they are friends, but I don't want to hear about her, and I don't want her to hear about things I share with my wife. Your call? WITH FRIENDS LIKE THAT ...

DEAR WITH: You certainly do care that they are friends and that's understandable. Some people are toxic, plain and simple. But to be fair, is there a chance she seeks her friend's advice because she can't communicate her concerns to you? A side consequence is that now her friendship becomes the issue, rather than whatever problems preceded it. If your wife is not only questioning the marriage but also feels the need to discuss it so extensively (and often) with someone other than you, that says something about the amount of trust between you. Chances are, as soon as the friend finds happiness in a new relationship, whatever marital problems exist will become a total snore to her. And then the two of you will have to face the real issues.

Cat's Call: Are you ready to do that?