The major portion of the baseball season, by which I mean the part still contested outside of Congress, actually begins in about 48 hours, with the first pitch planned for Tuesday at 6:07 a.m. EDT.

Could I make that up?

Since I'm usually up then anyway reading scripture (sure), I plan to tune in as Daisuke Matsuzaka of the Boston Red Sox twirls the first pitch of the 2008 season in the Tokyo Dome against the Oakland A's.

Nothin' says national pastime, seems to me, like a predawn first inning from half a world away, unless it's a post-midnight ninth inning in a four-hour World Series rout, or a dead-of-winter lament like Rep. Elijah Cummings telling Roger Clemens, "It's hard to believe you sir; you're one of my heroes, but it's hard to believe you."

But geez, let's not be negative; as there's an abundance of good news greeting the newborn baseball season, perhaps none more joyous than that for the first time since 1986, it doesn't include Barry Bonds.

"I'm not going to retire," Bonds told MLB.com this week. "I don't think that's going to happen. I'm working out. I'm training. If my phone rings, it rings. If it don't, it don't. I have a cell phone. I have a Blackberry. They work. If something comes up, I'm sure they'll let me know. I'll come back in July if I have to. It depends on the circumstances."

For a guy who's not retired, even Bonds can't help but notice that, at this point, he has fewer spring training at-bats than Billy Crystal. As for his communications technology, Bonds finally finds himself on the wrong end of the dynamic that now affords Major League Baseball to offer him its own healing version of that old country music lyric, "If the phone don't ring, you'll know it's me."

By this week, of course, the players union said it was looking into contemporary free agent market forces, which appear to have shunned a certain record-ruining outfielder who last year hit .276 with 28 homers.

Collusion will be discussed, apparently, but as I mentioned on PG SportsNOW, perhaps the hottest live streaming video sportsgab on the Internet (and perhaps not), with Bonds it's not a matter of collusion, but conclusion. The conclusion, reached independently by all 30 major league clubs, is that they are not in the market for a 43-year-old four-count indictment-carrying cancer who can't run and requires an entourage that includes at least one felon, to say nothing of a hat size not found in nature.

Thanks for the memories, BB.

Good luck in the California Penal League.

More good news: There are enough bad teams out there right now to provide camouflage for the Pirates as they embark on a record-tying 16th consecutive losing season, including the Giants, who poured most of their money into the Barry Area Laboratory Cooperative these past few years, the Orioles, whose roster reads suspiciously like the Mitchell Report, and the Marlins, whose payroll reads like the check for an extravagant dinner.

National publications are predicting that the Cardinals, two years removed from a world championship, could rescue the Pirates from the National League Central basement, but I'll believe it when I see it. They still have Albert the Great, and Pujols with a bad elbow is still better than Jason the Disappointing, Adam the Beleaguered, and Freddy the Sore Shoulder Second Sacker.

Maybe it was the fact that they lost more games than even the Pirates last year, but the Tampa Bay Devil Rays underwent a full blown exorcism in the offseason, unceremoniously dropping the Devil from their identity and going forward as simply the Rays. You'd think with all the crap that's on TV, the exorcism of the Devil Rays would have merited at least a 30-minute look-in on DPC, the Demonic Possession Channel.

As for reality TV (you'll excuse the oxymoron), nothing felt more genuine last season than the witching-hour ride of the Colorado Rockies, who won 21 of 22 in the express lane to their first National League pennant. The Rockies, who beat the San Diego Padres in a one-game playoff that was easily the best game of the postseason, were carried by rookie shortstop Troy Tulowitzki, who made only 11 errors while hitting 24 homers and driving in 99 runs, the most ever by a rookie shortstop. That was followed by a $31.5 million contract, the most ever for a guy who was a rookie only last season.

Tulowitzki hopes to avoid the so-called sophomore jinx in the way that Jason Bay did in 2005, hitting 32 homers and driving in 101 runs as a follow-up to his rookie of the year season. Bay got around the sophomore jinx, dodged the junior narcoleptic seizure, but fell victim to the senior swoon. He hit .247 last year (.227 against lefties) with 21 homers. Even at that, both he and Adam LaRoche had one more homer than Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez.

Remember that additional serving of good news when Ramirez debuts Tuesday morning. Then look to see if it's light out yet.