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Owen Wilson's patented persona -- the aging, laid-back surfer dude -- has taken a socioeconomic, not to mention cinematic, step backward. In the dubious title role of "Drillbit Taylor," he's a homeless drifter, scrounging for remnants of people's sandwiches by day, living in the woods by night.
But even losers have their dreams, as life and Hollywood teach us. Drillbit's is to go to British Columbia, for which he needs bucks. Along come three suckers to provide 'em. And Paramount is counting on many more suckers to come along and pay to watch 'em.
The three in the movie are really nerdy suckers -- high school frosh Ryan (tubby Troy Gentile), Wade (scrawny Nate Hartley) and Emmit (shrimpy David Dorfman). They're being hazed to death by the School Bully (Alex Frost). Those of you familiar with public education know that the position of School Bully is mandated by most state legislatures and is as essential to child development as that of School Guidance Counselor.
- Starring: Owen Wilson
- Rating: PG-13 for crude sexual references throughout, strong bullying, language, drug references and partial nudity.
- Web site: 'Drillbit Taylor'
The easy-to-fleece misfit trio at hand is in desperate need of a bodyguard, and their online call for candidates yields Drillbit. He claims to be an ex-Army Ranger skilled in all the martial arts and sciences, and says he was discharged "for unauthorized heroism." Drillbit takes their money, "trains" them, rips off their affluent parents' homes, and poses as a substitute teacher at school ("As long as you walk around with a cup of coffee in your hand, nobody says anything.").
The big final confrontation between vengeful nerds and psychopathic tormentor is ill worth the wait, despite a few sparks of fun from likable, low-key Wilson. He does his best with terrible material, putting his baby blues to good gaga-eyes effect with an oversexed femme in the teachers' lounge. Those moments are at least funnier than his scenes with the three boys, who will grow up to be fine young men, I'm sure -- as long as they don't settle on acting as a career.
Director Steven Brill's assembly-line tweener flick is a mutant clone of Seth Rogen's "Superbad," full of the groin hits and urination-saturation situations guaranteed to produce hilarity -- in lower primates.
The next time this hackneyed, cookie-cutter story is recycled -- and ever after -- I'm rooting for the psychopathic bully.
