In every city I've ever lived in, if you ask a serious foodie for a Valentine's Day restaurant recommendation, you will get the same answer: "Stay in and cook. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year to go out to dinner."

There is some basis to this position. Most restaurants offer prix fixe menus on Valentine's Day, which are almost never as original and creative as their everyday menus. Because restaurants are also filled to the gills with couples, you're unlikely to get that special corner table or some extra attention from your server.

And, of course, there's the fact that everyone working in your restaurant is working, rather than celebrating Valentine's Day as they might like. Even if your server is skilled at hiding his or her resentment, it's a hard day to keep restaurant staff upbeat and enthusiastic.

Despite all of these logical, well-thought-out reasons, I cannot escape the fact that there is something depressing about such an all-encompassing ban on Valentine's Day dining.

So ignore the naysayers and be optimistic. If you want to go out on Valentine's Day, go ahead. Just keep some of the following thoughts in mind when looking for the perfect place to wine and dine the one you love.

What makes a restaurant romantic?

The obvious answer, of course, is that it's the person you're with that makes any restaurant romantic. It's a nice sentiment and one that certainly takes the burden off restaurants, but I don't really think it's true. I have dined at many a beautiful, candlelit restaurant with the one I love, and sometimes, irrespective of our feelings or our mood, the restaurant is simply not romantic.

And then there are restaurants that have been totally, overwhelmingly romantic, irrespective of the time of day, year or the company I'm keeping. Afternoon tea at Claridges in London with one of my best friends and a wonderfully solitary meal at Gramercy Tavern in New York come instantly to mind.

Romance is not love. It is not a feeling generated between two people. It is a mood, so subtle and evanescent that it is almost impossible to conjure up with an act of will. No wonder restaurants get such a bad rap on Valentine's Day!

The truth is that all kinds of restaurants can be romantic, and a little creativity is a lot more useful than a credit card. Bring a bottle of champagne and a bouquet of flowers and a diner becomes as primed for romance as a four-star restaurant. It depends on your history and your personality.

If you're looking for the classically romantic restaurant, I recommend prioritizing service for this type of meal. Well-established, upscale restaurants that cater to an older clientele often have more attentive and formal service than the hot new restaurant that's packed every Saturday night.

You must not only pick the right kind of restaurant but also create the mood within yourself. If you expect the setting to do all the work, you will inevitably be unsatisfied.

The restaurants that I think of as the most romantic are usually places I don't go to very often -- for geographic or financial reasons (or both).

Go the extra effort on Valentine's Day. Go somewhere a little nicer than you do ordinarily. Or perhaps drive out of your way. Get dressed up. If you like to drink wine, look at the wine list in advance (even if it's not online, most restaurants will be happy to fax or e-mail a copy) and with the aid of the Internet find a bottle of wine within your price range that you're excited to try.

Valentine's Day is also a great day to take advantage of corkage fees. Many restaurants will allow you to bring your own bottle of wine, if you pay them a corkage fee; just call and ask. If the bottle you buy costs as much or more than the fee, you're probably getting a better deal than you would by ordering off the restaurant wine list.

And most important? Try to have a good time. There is nothing less romantic than a cynic on Valentine's Day.

The truth is that all kinds of restaurants can be romantic, and a little creativity is a lot more useful than a credit card.