Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: A friend of mine recently separated from her husband, and it's shaping up to be a nasty divorce. She has rallied our group of friends to her side, and I think that is great, but she forwards all the e-mail correspondence between her and her soon-to-be ex to the whole group of us. Although her husband is not my friend and many of those receiving the e-mails have never met him, I still find it unsettling. She is very shaky due to the nature of the separation so I have not said anything, but it makes me very uncomfortable. Your thoughts? -- PRIVY AGAINST MY WILL

DEAR PRIVY: I'm uncomfortable just imagining such an inside look at a nasty separation-soon-to-be-divorce. And that says nothing of the ethics of your (and the rest of the group's) involuntary "inclusion" in the couple's ongoing dialogue. Currently your friend may be too inside to understand, but it's incredibly unfair to forward those e-mails. You can simply choose not to read them, but when she next talks to you, she'll undoubtedly say, "So, what did you make of that?" You're absolutely allowed to sensitively tell her that you are there for her 100 percent, but it makes you uncomfortable to read the e-mails. Sometimes you can be a better friend and give better advice if you don't know every single detail down to periods and bold type.

Cat's Call: Take it from someone who knows.

DEAR CAT: I am a 35-year-old gay male. I was recently chatting with a guy online, and I asked him what color hair he had. He then asked me why I wanted to know. I told him that someone of his age and job, and who lived in the same area, had hooked up with someone I used to know. He got kind of angry and basically accused me of demanding to know who he's hooked up with and said that I shouldn't have even brought it up. I was just curious if he was the same guy that messed around with someone I used to know. Was I wrong to ask what color hair he had? Or to have mentioned an old acquaintance? -- BAD MANNERS?

DEAR BAD: It's amazing how simultaneously open and secretive people are in the world of online dating. The anonymity can be great, but there's a limit. Why would you want to know about his hair color? Maybe because you want a mental picture (at the very least) of who you're talking to. Maybe because you prefer blonds. Maybe you're just curious. When someone balks at the idea of disclosing something as innocuous as the color of his or her hair, that's a red flag. All in all, no, it wasn't bad manners to ask about his hair, but it was a tad early (and personal) to inquire about his exes.

Cat's Call: No biggie, just remember it for next time.