DEAR CAT: I am a man in my early 30s, and I am finishing up going through a divorce. I am now ready to begin dating again, but I have no clue where to begin. I have tried an online personals site, but women seem to look only at my profile and move on, or when I try to contact them, I receive no reply. What does one do to meet people when they haven't attempted dating in so long? Also, what does this person do when he's also shy? -- HOPELESSLY SHY ROMANTIC

DEAR H.S.R.: Can you be hopeless and a romantic? You'd have to convince me of that. If you focus on "romantic" rather than "hopeless," women might respond more favorably. The best way to meet people is to actually meet them, which means ditch shyness for bravery in everyday life and politely approach women in the real world, not just online. Remember, a dating life doesn't happen overnight. It's cultivated over time.

Cat's Call: You're not even fully single yet -- give yourself time to adjust.

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DEAR CAT: For eight months I dated a 37-year-old East Indian who was brilliant (have you ever heard of an unmarried 37-year-old East Indian?). He claimed to be attracted to white women and only white women. We had a highly sexual relationship with his saying very sweet things that indicated he was committed to us. I wanted to move our relationship out of the bedroom and into the real world, and he promised to do that. But he'd continually cancel our plans, and this pattern made me miss other opportunities as I sat and waited for him. He did this with every activity other than sleeping together. I would grin and take it because his job kept him "so busy." I finally left him a voice-mail saying it was better to end it before I started to hate him more than I already did, and that when you treat people as badly as he treated me, that kind of karma comes back at you one day. Afterward I felt bad and called to apologize. He was sweet but the next morning I got a "farewell" e-mail where he explained that our affair wasn't fair to me. I haven't heard a word since then. I feel like it was my fault for flipping out on him. Yet I believe he's done this to many women. How stupid am I? -- TOTAL IDIOT & HORRIBLE PERSON?

DEAR IDIOT: Oh yeah, it's a big mystery why he isn't married. But you're right, he is brilliant. He got a steady supply of effortless sex for almost a year and was sly enough to manipulate you into doing the hard work of ending it while he looks like the sensitive one. C'mon, you know you're not horrible -- you just feel crappy because it all fell on you. You would only be an idiot if you took him back. I don't care how busy he is ...

Cat's Call: Nobody is too busy to be courteous and respectful.