A guy in a battered Pirates cap is walking down Forbes Avenue when he picks up a funny-looking bottle, opens it up, and sure enough a magical genie pops out. "Master," the genie says, "you have saved me from 1,000 years of bondage -- Is there any wish I can grant you?"

The man thinks about his teenage son and how he'd like to spend just one summer with him watching a pennant race before he grows old.

"I would like the Pirates to win the World Series," the guy says.

"What's another 1,000 years?" the genie shrugs, then jumps back into the bottle.

We all have wishes of one kind or another, with differing expectations for them to come true. Some people want world peace, others just want a Saturday night parking space on Carson Street. Among the critics in the Post-Gazette's arts and entertainment section, the wishes revolve around things such as plays, books, music, movies and art.

We went to this professionally opinionated crew and asked them what wishes they would grant, if they ruled Pittsburgh for a day and could do anything they wanted.

As the paper's cultural arts writer, I would make the museums that I write about free. Attendance at state-run museums in Britain jumped 50 percent after admission was waived in 2001 and was such a success -- especially among young and low-income people -- that even arch-rival France is trying it.

Imagine the arts-friendly image Pittsburgh would project to the world if it jumped on the bandwagon.

The interest is already there: When Pittsburgh's cultural spots are free each fall during "RADical Days," attendance usually doubles. Free admission exposes more people to the arts, and vice versa -- arts leaders are introduced to a huge new market of possible donors and supporters to help offset admission revenue losses.

The best part of the idea is it could actually be implemented, even if it was for only one day per week or month. Companies such as Target and Bank of America are already sponsoring free museum days in other cities.

Some of the ideas proclaimed by the Post-Gazette critics are of the pie-in-the-sky variety. But there's no harm in thinking big, especially when you're the one in charge.

The best thing about being king or queen for a day? We hereby grant ourselves blanket pardons for any misdeeds performed while upon the throne.

-- Tim McNulty

Tim McNulty can be reached at tmcnulty@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1581.

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I was sitting on the royal throne pondering my next decree -- that all applicants seeking approval from city commissions must submit renderings to show how their building will look in its neighborhood context from all perspectives -- when architect Rob Pfaffmann's e-mail hit me upside the royal noggin.

In addition to traditional renderings, "All projects submitted to our planning commission and design review panel should be required to provide a 3-D model that can be plugged into the Google Earth map of Pittsburgh," he wrote in a letter to the editor. "Any citizen or official can then see for themselves the impact a project would have on our public spaces or its neighborhood."

A right smart idea, spake the Queen. Let's do it.

Now, what else?

Oh, yes, those ginormous corporate signs atop Downtown buildings. Poof, gone. That was fun. UPMC, promise Pittsburgh you won't ask again.

Pittsburgh History & Landmarks Foundation, this one's for you: No new plaques honoring historic buildings unless they include the line, "This plaque does not imply protection against demolition."

Now I'm going to dip into the deep pockets of the royal robe (terrycloth, in a nod to my peasant roots) and throw some cash around. All those castoff Catholic churches and schools? Bought, saved and converted to artists' studios and residences.

Allegheny Center? Buh-bye. The Queen has no need for fortresses.

All new buildings and renovations? Green. Schenley High and all the mothballed, historic neighborhood schools? Renovated and restored. Allegheny County's 130 municipalities? Just one big happy merged metropolis.

-- Patricia Lowry, Post-Gazette architecture critic

Architecture critic Patricia Lowry can be reached at plowry@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1590.

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Pittsburgh's art scene shames cities twice its size. From classical music to dance, artists to actors, the city's a veritable smorgasbord of cultural events, but it's a bountiful spread missing a prime ingredient usually found elsewhere -- the literary one.

There are many worthy components in the region -- universities, journals, small presses, author lectures, a handful of reading series -- but no center for writing activities that can gather them all together.

My model is The Loft Literary Center in Minneapolis with the mission "to foster a writing community, the artistic development of individual writers, and an audience for literature."

I would add one more dimension -- a Pittsburgh Book Fair inspired by festivals in Los Angeles, Chicago, St. Petersburg, Fla., and even Charleston, W.Va. These events draw hundreds of writers, booksellers, entertainers, food booths and thousands of visitors.

I would locate the center and fair in Downtown, not Oakland, and market them to draw from the Tri-State area. They would inject the kind of vitality so missing from the city during the weekends and evenings.

One more thing: A big dose of common sense to Pennsylvania's antiquated and special-interest dominated state taxing and funding systems so that public libraries didn't have to beg every year for money.

-- Bob Hoover, Post-Gazette book editor

Post-Gazette book editor Bob Hoover can be reached at bhoover@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1634.

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If the critics' rule was authoritarian, I'd mandate regular attendance at art events and exhibitions. There's nothing that feeds programming like an audience, and until the numbers are up consistently, venues are going to be reluctant to sink more time and money than they have into either traveling or home-grown presentations.

More realistically, at least ignoring staffing and financial concerns, I'd like to see the 2008 Carnegie International spread throughout Pittsburgh ... and into the region beyond. That's what creates the extra sparkle in big shows such as the Venice Biennale and the Munster (Germany) Sculpture Projects. The concept isn't novel for Pittsburgh -- attendees journeyed to the Carnegie Library, Mattress Factory, Downtown and Duquesne University to take in parts of the 1991 International.

Of course, art has to be affordable for that desired broadened and growing audience, so I'd encourage arts organizations and funders to keep that in mind when structuring admission costs and planning special programs and entry days.

-- Mary Thomas, Post-Gazette art critic

Post-Gazette art critic Mary Thomas may be reached at mthomas@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1925.

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If I were suddenly handed a lump of cash with the catch being I could only spend it on the local classical music scene, I would first increase the salaries or per-service payments for every staffer and musician in Pittsburgh. These folks, even those whose salaries top their IRS 990 forms, still are underpaid for the amazing level of music we hear in Pittsburgh on a regular basis. But let's say my imaginary gift also precludes me from doing that. If so, I think I would:

• Give Carnegie Music Hall a major renovation. This 19th-century hall, part of the Carnegie Museum complex in Oakland, is gorgeous and could be the gem of the area again. Utmost would be installing climate control: The stage is drafty (according to musicians) while the upper levels of the auditorium are often stifling. And the dormant organ, the largest and grandest in town, needs to be resuscitated.

• Add a piano, vocal and orchestra series. Ever since the Y Music Society dissolved, we have not had a steady presentation of vocal recitals and Pittsburgh also lacks a top-shelf piano recital series.

But the biggest joy would be to corral orchestras on tour. Hearing the world's orchestras here would not only be intrinsically wonderful, but also it would connect us to the international scene.

• Lower ticket prices. I am not saying they are high locally and, in the long term, I think it is better to have audiences pay some amount for a concert (the psychology of a free concert often develops into thinking that it can't be that great). But significantly lowering prices might lure more people to appreciate what we have and to try new music. The precedent at the Baltimore Symphony, where a $1 million grant resulted in $25 tickets this season, has been positive.

-- Andrew Druckenbrod, Post-Gazette classical music critic

Post-Gazette classical music critic Andrew Druckenbrod can be reached at adruckenbrod@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1750.

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Dance companies are always searching for ways to attract new audiences and it seems that New York City has a winner in its Fall for Dance festival. Held during September and October at City Center, the festival powers-that-be curate six mixed bills over the course of 10 performances (four are repeated).

The ticket price -- $10 -- is virtually unheard of in New York.

The Julliard School of Dance might go back-to-back with an Indian dancer. Or New York City ballet might share a program with a tap number. Half the fun is the surprise of it all. Then, too, they attract pieces from Kirov Ballet and Buckets & Tap Shoes from Minnesota, world premieres and well-known pieces alike.

Original worries that the festival would detract from company revenues have been unfounded. Instead it has created a buzz about dance and an unofficial start to the season, where edgy pieces draw as much excitement as popular works.

So why not in the 'Burgh? There is a diverse base here, from ballet to tap and modern dance to Indian dance, from professional groups to growing student programs at Point Park, Pitt and Slippery Rock. Mix in a few out-of-town attractions and everyone benefits.

-- Jane Vranish, Post-Gazette dance critic

Jane Vranish can be reached at jvranish@post-gazette.com.

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How about someone purchase and renovate the old Crawford Grill in the Hill District and transform it into a not-for-profit performance space and jazz education and resource center?

Back in the 1950s, the Grill served as one of the hubs of Pittsburgh nightlife, hopping six nights a week while playing host to such giants as Max Roach, John Coltrane and Charles Mingus. A facility dedicated to music would be the perfect legacy.

Continue the transformation by remaking the upstairs apartments into rehearsal rooms, where young musicians can receive hands-on jazz instruction and where visiting musicians can conduct clinics and master classes. Another wing of the building could focus primarily on Pittsburgh's contributions to jazz, beginning with musicians such as Earl Hines, who was among the first to rise to international stardom, and continuing with local stalwarts such as saxophonist Don Aliquo Sr., who continues to help create a vibrant local scene.

And, after the renovations are done, line the walls with classic jazz-related photographs from the Teenie Harris archives.

It's going to take a lot of money, but Pittsburgh needs a center for jazz and what better place than the old Crawford Grill.

-- By Nate Guidry, Post-Gazette jazz critic

Nate Guidry can be reached at nguidry@post-gazette.com or 412-263-3865.

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A genie in a lamp usually grants three wishes but because we're in fantasyland, I'll ask for four: Bring a modern megaplex to the North Hills; turn the North Side's Garden Theater into a movie jewel; renovate and reopen the Denis Theater in Mt. Lebanon; and give Pittsburgh Filmmakers a snazzier Downtown home than the Harris Theater.

The residents of Ross and McCandless and nearby communities deserve the same sort of experience as movie fans who flock to the AMC-Loews at the Waterfront. Instead, they have the Showcase Cinemas North, which is 28 years old, and Cranberry 8, 18 years old. The theaters at the Northway Mall were torn down earlier this year.

A new or replacement multiplex would be a win-win for operators and customers who could be brought into the modern age with stadium seating, VIP sections, perhaps an IMAX auditorium, screen devoted to arthouse fare, restaurant-bar and free WiFi.

The Garden Theater is like a house with great bones that needs a little tender loving care and cash, while Washington Road in Mt. Lebanon has plenty of coffee shops and restaurants for pre- and post-movie chats, but no moviehouse.

The Harris Theater was a temporary home that turned into a permanent one for Filmmakers. It's not designed for today's patrons accustomed to wider screens, roomier seats and better sight lines, for starters. The ideal Downtown art complex would have two or three auditoriums, access to free or reasonably priced parking and a hip, happening feel.

-- Barbara Vancheri, Post-Gazette movie editor

Post-Gazette movie editor Barbara Vancheri can be reached at bvancheri@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1632.

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We've seen local airwaves help power The Clarks into a band that can sell 6,000 tickets and headline the First Night celebration.

Who's next?

We need Pittsburgh stations to think local and support the talent here, which is plentiful. Not every Pittsburgh band is cut out for radio play -- leading exports such as Midnite Snake and Black Moth Super Rainbow might be too inaccessible for the commercial stations -- but there are radio-friendly acts here such as Black Tie Revue, Lohio, Shade, The Cynics and Margot B.

WYEP-FM does a fine job with singer-songwriters and Americana acts, but it would be nice to see member-supported stations experiment more with the underground and various other things that rock.

Also ...

As noted ad nauseam, the other thing Pittsburgh could use is a showcase club in the 1,000- to-1,500-House-of-Blues range to replace Club Laga. And wouldn't it be nice to see it somewhere near the student body in Oakland? Right now, their only live options are a bus ride to the South Side, Bloomfield/Garfield or Millvale -- a far cry from the era of the Decade, the Electric Banana and Graffiti.

-- Scott Mervis, Post-Gazette pop music writer

Scott Mervis can be reached at smervis@post-gazette.com or 412-263-2576.

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There should be at least one low-power radio station that would be made available to the community at large, a kind of public-access station.

In a world where citizen media is becoming more prevalent and diversity of opinion is an endangered species on the mainstream airwaves, it could be a forum for community groups, people with points of view that don't fit the left-wing/right-wing duality of talk radio, podcasters, bloggers and others.

And access to it is a two-way street. The audience wouldn't need to have a home computer and high-speed Internet to tune it in.

And while I'm fantasizing about making the rules: We need to stop thinking of radio as what happens between the frequencies of 87 and 108.

Broadcasting doesn't only happen with towers and studios anymore. Webcasters have created a rich musical experience online. Mainstream radio stations serve a broad-based audience and serves it well; the Internet is there for a smaller and underserved audience. Hopefully they won't be driven out of business for having to pay higher performance royalty fees than their terrestrial and satellite competitors, who currently pay nothing or 6 percent, respectively.

-- Adrian McCoy, PG radio/multimedia writer

Adrian McCoy can be reached at amccoy@post-gazette.com or at 412-263-1865.

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My fondest wish for local media outlets would be for better communication with consumers.

Comcast, already held in low regard by some of its customers, could improve its image if it made just the tiniest effort to communicate channel changes or additions directly to customers. E-mail them, send them a postcard or put a message on the cable box, just make some effort beyond a legal notice no one is going to be see.

TV stations should communicate changes in personnel or programming on their Web sites. Rather than just yanking a reporter's picture from the Web as soon as the person leaves, why not post an addendum to the bio for a few weeks saying where he or she has gone? Just as some readers are far more interested in the utilitarian list of network addresses in TV Week than any review, some viewers are more curious about why so-and-so hasn't been on the air lately than they are in a station's special investigation.

Speaking of investigations, I wish stations would only apply the "investigation" label to stories worthy of the title. A report on something that affects one person or only a handful of people probably shouldn't be promoted as an investigation. Similarly, if a report includes only one side of an issue, it shouldn't be on a newscast. Finally, relying frequently and casually on unnamed "sources" erodes credibility.

-- Rob Owen, Post-Gazette TV editor

TV editor Rob Owen can be reached at rowen@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1112.

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If I ruled Pittsburgh, I would ...

A. Establish an annual or biennial August Wilson Festival of national standing, one that explores the 10 Pittsburgh Cycle plays in their social and historical context. The best suggestion I've seen for this came from reader Rusty Salminen, who imagined focusing each year on a different play and its decade, involving not just several Pittsburgh theaters but also dance, opera, music and art.

B. Bring about more collaboration among theaters, big and small, as in Chicago, where the large Goodman Theater has nurtured start-up companies like Congo Square.

And if I ruled the nation, I would ...

A. Ordain ample funding for an annual national festival such as they have in Germany, bringing the best six or eight regional theater productions together (in any city but New York) for a celebration of the excellence of the true, decentralized American national theater. And I'd appoint myself to the selection committee.

B. Retire happy.

-- Christopher Rawson, Post-Gazette theater editor

Post-Gazette theater editor Christopher Rawson can be reached at crawson@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1666.

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