Q. My son's kindergarten teacher is already hinting that he might have to be held back. She says he might have been too young to start school. My husband and I are upset. What can we do to make sure he can go on to first grade with his friends?

A. The first thing to do is to make an appointment for a long and honest talk with the teacher. Ask the teacher to tell you -- in detail -- what she or he perceives as your son's strengths and weaknesses. If there have been assessments, ask to see the results.

Then talk again, in detail, about a plan that you and the teacher can follow to help turn the weaknesses into strengths.

Consider, for instance, his social skills. That's an area in which many boys lag behind girls, and it can keep them from being ready for first grade. If your son isn't doing well at skills like taking turns, sharing, and cooperating, you can work on the skills at home, inviting other children to play, observing your son's interactions with the other kids, and gently coaching him before and after the playtimes.

If your son isn't doing well with academic skills, work with the teacher to determine how you might support what's being emphasized in school. Don't use "skill-and-drill" worksheets. Kids your son's age need meaningful, hands-on learning experiences both in school and at home.

Talk with the teacher about how you can use "dialogic reading" at home. That's a reading strategy that good teachers and many parents already use: reading to the child, and gently coaching the child into thinking and talking about characters, plot, setting, author, illustrations, and so forth -- all important pre-reading steps.

See how your son progresses as you and his teacher use these "catch-up" strategies. If, a bit later in the year, there's still a question about whether he's ready for first grade, ask the teacher to use "Light's Retention Scale." You and the teacher complete a simple set of questions, and the scale provides an objective analysis of whether retention would be helpful or harmful for your child.

And please remember this: The goal is to help your son have a successful first-grade experience, because that's the foundation of his academic career. That's more important than staying with current friends.

Finally, a word to parents whose children aren't yet in kindergarten: Quality preschool programs provide a firm foundation of academic and social skills to help ensure that kids are ready for school.