Q. I have a new baby and a 3-year-old son who is so jealous. We did everything we could to prepare him, but he hates the baby and is rough with her. I worry about what could happen.

A. That's difficult -- but a new baby always produces a period of adjustment for an older sibling, no matter how prepared the sibling was.

Our first recommendation involves safety. Never leave the baby alone with your toddler for any reason, and don't let your son hold the baby until he can do so more appropriately. Being watchful will help keep both your kids safe.

At our centers, we suggest that parents get a doll, and work with the older sibling on how to hold, feed, and diaper a baby. When you're working with the baby, model the actions for your son, talking to him about how you support her head and hold her close so she feels safe. When you're changing or feeding her, say the steps aloud. Let your son help -- getting a diaper or wipes or a pacifier will make him feel as if he has a real job, and is an important part of what's happening.

When you see him interacting appropriately with the baby, reward those interactions with praise, and with special time with both parents. Your toddler is feeling a real sense of loss, so it's important that you carve out some time -- every single day -- for you and your husband to spend with your son, without the baby.

Try to change your son's schedule and surroundings as little as possible.

Right now, continuity is important to him -- and it will keep him from seeing the baby as disruptive.

You might also think about what you did to prepare your toddler for the new baby. Might there be some areas you could revisit and reinforce?

Finally, there are plenty of age-appropriate books you can read to him-for instance, "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole, "My New Baby" by Annie Kubler and "The New Baby" by Mercer Mayer.

Good luck!