Q. When should a girl be allowed to start wearing makeup? My first-grade daughter (age 6) wants lip gloss and nail polish because girls in her class are allowed. I think they are way too young.

A. Media and even dolls are telling young girls they have to look a certain way in order to be liked. We recently read of a cosmetics company executive talking about new ways to target the "point-of-entry" market: 8- to 10-year-old girls.

That's a dangerous trend for children as young as your daughter, and we recommend a number of actions to counter it.

Work on building your daughter's sense of herself as a valuable, capable human being. Help her feel good about who she is and what she can do instead of just how she looks. One way to do that is through sports and hobbies; they can produce lifelong interests as well as self-respect.

Meanwhile, monitor what your daughter watches on TV, as well as the toys she plays with.

There's no "one size fits all" recommendation for the age to begin using makeup. We looked on the Internet, where we found plenty of lively discussions about the issue. Many of the parents seem to feel that somewhere around 13 is OK for light, reasonable makeup -- perhaps starting with tinted lip gloss. But each parent has to make the decision that's right for her or his individual child.

A phased approach sounds workable to us. For your daughter, occasional nail polish might be a reasonable step for the next few years, and then you could add other cosmetic products at times you deem appropriate. Keep in mind that some lipsticks have recently been found to contain lead. While the amounts are minuscule, lead can pose real health risks for kids.

Think hard and make some decisions. It might be helpful to talk with the parents of your daughter's friends. Many of them are probably dealing with the same issue.

Once you've made your decisions, explain them to your daughter. Be specific about what she can and can't do, and about how that will change in the future.

Then stick to the rules. You may encounter some anger and some whining. But if you cave in, you'll be setting a precedent that won't work well later in your daughter's life, when the stakes are higher.