In all the excitement this week about Muhammad the Bear and how committed Iran really is to starting World War III, you may have missed another very important but depressing and unsexy story: The U.S. national debt is now expanding by over a billion dollars a day, which works out to nearly a million dollars a minute or over $160,000 while you've been reading this.

To try to explain what this means without sending you into a confused slumber, I will employ the trusty newspaper device of a "Q & A," in which the role of Q will be played by you, entirely against your will, and A will be played by me, wearing a funny hat.

Q: If we divide this tab equally and not based on what we ordered, what is my share?

A: As of right now, the national debt adds up to $9 trillion and change, so that comes to about $30,000 for every man, woman, child, baby, radio talk show host and circus clown in the nation. Without tax and tip.

Q: But surely, being a big, lovable government synonymous with stability, wealth and handing out weapons like party favors, we got the lowest interest rates on all our loans. Right?

A: You bet! Just like all those people who bought McMansions at the lowest interest rates -- without worrying too much about the "adjustable" part. When the rates start to rise, our country may be foreclosed on, and we'd have to move to a smaller country in a bad neighborhood with lousy schools.

Q: Holy cow! We could lose our country? That's terrible!

A: Don't worry. We can just keep borrowing money to keep up with the interest payments. Like all the people who can't pay off their credit cards but keep buying iPhones and flat-panel TVs. It's the American way!

Q: Thank goodness. You had me worried there for a minute.

A: Everything will be fine. Except that as the interest bills continue to compound, the government will have to devote more and more money to making its payments. But you weren't planning to collect Social Security, were you?

Q: What?

A: Well, yeah -- if you want any government benefits, you'll probably have to kick in some more. Like when your employer raises your health insurance co-pay because it spent all its money on bonuses for company officers who put you into an HMO that doesn't pay for surgery unless one of your body parts has actually fallen off on the floor. Within your network.

Q: "Kick in some more"? You're not saying what I think you're saying ...

A: No! No, not new or higher taxes. Oh, heavens no. I mean the government will be harvesting some of your organs to sell. Most Americans would much rather wake up in a bathtub full of ice than pay higher taxes.

Q: What can we do to keep this from happening?

A: It is your patriotic duty to go out and buy a dishwasher. And new computers for everyone in your family. Also more iPods, preferably with video. Because the only way the government can keep making its interest payments without taking more money or corneas from you is if the economy is strong. Uncle Sam wants you -- to max out your credit cards.

The funny thing is that most of that stuff you buy will be made in China. But that's good, because even though it makes our trade deficit worse, it strengthens the Chinese economy so they can keep lending us money!

Q: So, no matter how you figure it, it's going to cost me. I can shop until I'm broke, or I can be taxed until I'm broke. Maybe I don't actually need both of my kidneys.

How did this happen?

A: Rome wasn't hocked in a day, my friend. The national debt, defined as the accumulation of annual budget deficits, was $2.7 trillion in 1989, almost looked as if it might get paid off in the late '90s, was $5.7 trillion in January 2001 and will pass $10 trillion as it falls into the lap of our next president in January 2009. Whoever wins the election will need a very strong lap.

Q: Hey, what about that national debt clock they have in New York? Will there be a big party when it turns over $10 trillion?

A: Probably not, because it doesn't have enough digits to display $10,000,000,000,000.00. The idiot who built it didn't think big enough!

I can see you're upset. But really, we can get the government out of debt the same way most people plan to pay off their credit cards and other loans.

We just need to take the money we would have wasted on Medicare or veterans' benefits and invest it.

In Powerball tickets.