For its "Embrace the Change" tour in South Carolina, the Barack Obama presidential campaign booked several gospel acts. But the senator has been stung by criticism that the headline performer, Donnie McClurkin, is homophobic. Mr. McClurkin claims homosexuality is an affliction that can be "cured" through prayer.

Seeking to mend fences with his progressive supporters, Sen. Obama arranges an emergency meeting with a political fix-it man: Albus Dumbledore, the recently "outed" headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Mr. Obama and Mr. Dumbledore meet in the Illinois senator's campaign bus after midnight.

Under a tiny overhead light, Mr. Obama shuffles applications he's received from beloved cartoon and literary characters offering to work for his campaign.

Eager to avoid offending his gay supporters, Mr. Obama asks Mr. Dumbledore to vet each application.

Obama: Thanks for coming on such short notice, Albus. I don't mind telling you that this Donnie McClurkin thing in South Carolina has been a major distraction. How could anyone think an inclusive guy like me would tolerate bias or homophobia for even a second?

Dumbledore: I don't know, Barack. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that a "reformed" homosexual gospel singer who declared war on gays and lesbians and feted George Bush at the 2004 Republican National Convention is headlining your rally in a state not known for its open-mindedness. They burn "Harry Potter" books down there, too, you know.

Obama: Come on, man. He sang for Bill Clinton, too. This guy swings both ways politically.

Dumbledore: Bill's not running. You are.

Obama: You know I need black folks to turn out for me in South Carolina if I'm to have any hope of winning the nomination from Hillary. Believe me, as soon as I'm elected, I plan to confront my people about their homophobia.

Dumbledore: Talk about "profiles in courage."

Obama: Look, didn't I add the Rev. Arthur Sidden to the program? He's gay, right? I don't want there to be any doubt about where I stand with my gay, lesbian and transgendered brothers, sisters and, um, folks.

[Dumbledore caresses his beard and mumbles something that sounds like "tokenism" under his breath. Obama pretends not to notice.]

Obama: Sometimes politics puts even the best of us in compromising situations. Think what would have happened in 1960 if Kennedy had given in to pressure from Martin Luther King and come out more forcefully for civil rights at a time when there was no legislative support for it. The Nixon era would have begun nearly a decade earlier.

Dumbledore: Or Kennedy might have won fair-and-square in 1960. Instead of leaving civil rights to Lyndon Johnson to pursue after his assassination, JFK could have signed a Civil Rights and Voting Rights Act into law as early as '61 or '62.

Obama [laughs]: You may be a great wizard, Dumbledore, but you don't know squat about politics. In any case, let's review these applications. It's time for you to use some magically enhanced "gaydar" on my behalf.

[Obama pulls out a picture of Richie Rich from a manila envelope along with the cartoon character's application. Dumbledore shakes his head.]

Dumbledore: Richie's a reclusive billionaire from Pittsburgh known to contribute indiscriminately to causes that demonize gays. I know he says he's had a change of heart, but tell him thanks, but no thanks.

Obama: What about Scout from "To Kill a Mockingbird"? I like her application. It's smart and idealistic. She's all about justice.

Dumbledore: She's cool. So is Rocky from "Rocky and Bullwinkle," despite his/her sexually ambiguous status in the community. I'm greenlighting Jonny Quest and Hadji, too. They're a cute couple. They were closeted for years. They got married in Canada.

Obama: What about this guy? He calls himself Wolverine. He looks pretty tough even though he wears a skin-tight yellow uniform and a big "X" belt-buckle. Claims he can help us with the NASCAR crowd, though.

Dumbledore: Wolverine? Are you crazy? Don't you know that claw-wielding maniac killed Northstar, the biggest gay character in Marvel Comics history? Bringing Wolverine on board would dwarf your mistake with McClurkin by a factor of 100. He's probably secretly working for Giuliani, anyway.

Obama: My friend Gandalf said he was sending over a crew of canvassers from Middle Earth. I hope they're Hobbits and not Orcs. I need some good press for once.

Dumbledore: Gandalf? How do you, a mere mortal, know the greatest wizard of all time?

Obama: Rush Limbaugh doesn't call me the Magic Negro for nothing, Dumbledore.