Parenting 4 Kids Nationally accredited, 4 Kids Early Learning Network serves children and families throughout the Mon Valley. Through this column, 4 Kids staff members answer reader questions about raising children in the critical early years. E-mail questions for consideration to: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to: 4 Kids Questions, 445 Fourth St., Braddock, PA 15104.

Q: My 5-year-old son keeps getting invited to over-the-top birthday parties, with clowns, animals, and even pony rides at the home. We can't afford that, and, even if we could, I'm not sure that's good for the kids. I would appreciate your comments!

A: It seems that over-the-top parties have become the norm, not the exception.

We've seen parties for 2-year-olds that include ice skating (their ankles aren't developed enough to support them on skates) and bowling (even though most twos can't manage the weight of the ball). Some of those parties included full meals with wings, pizza, and more -- and much of that food was wasted.

These parties, we believe, are more for the parents than the children. They may be well-intentioned, or they may be a way to compete socially. In any case, for children as young as your son, such events can be too stimulating, causing sleep problems and attitude issues for the rest of the day.

Our suggestion: Have parties that are within your comfort level and your budget.

For instance, have your son's next party at home, and plan developmentally appropriate activities: ring toss, bubbles, water balloons, sprinklers, musical chairs, sidewalk chalk, and more. Save big brown boxes, and let the kids create a fort and then paint it. Hit the library for books about fun crafts ideas -- and the dollar store for supplies. For food, serve things kids like crustless sandwiches, goldfish crackers, fruit snacks, juices, and so forth. In all your planning, focus on what the kids will enjoy -- not on what will impress the parents.

We think you'll end up with an affordable, engaging birthday celebration your son and his friends will thoroughly enjoy. You may even find that the other parents decide to join you in hosting such "retro" parties for the kids.