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Fantasy Football: First-round picks still causing anxiety
Monday, September 24, 2007

Fantasy football can stress you out; but it can save your life, too. We all know the former is true, but I learned this weekend that the latter is as well.

You see, one of my league-mates developed a severe case of diverticulitis early Sunday morning, necessitating an emergency operation on his colon, and resulting in a semi-colon. (Ba-dum-bum.) The first words he spoke to his newlywed wife upon regaining consciousness -- and I'm not making this up -- were "how's my fantasy team doing?"

This, dear reader, is a man who understands priorities. And the best news is that he's going to be just fine. After all, he has both Tom Brady and Randy Moss, who, along with Anquan Boldin and Willie Parker, delivered a week-high score of 177 points for my gastrically challenged buddy.

But what if he was relying on LaDainian Tomlinson, or Marc Bulger, or, dare I say it, Larry Johnson? We may never know, but let's just say I would have lied to his wife when she asked me how his team was faring. Because he probably couldn't handle the truth.

Three weeks into the season, emergency rooms across the nation may be experiencing a mysterious influx of otherwise healthy people suffering from severe intestinal pain. I'm not a doctor, but I have watched "ER" for several years; so I feel comfortable making the following public service announcement.

I hereby urge all hospital staff to include the following questions in their patient history interviews:

1. Do you play fantasy football?

2. Who was your first round pick?

3. If the answer was LT, LJ, Steven Jackson or Reggie Bush, terminate all eye contact with the patient, yell "Code Red!" and immediately administer sedatives.

4. If symptoms persist, remove an organ.

It's a long season, folks, and there's still reason for optimism for those tormented by the aforementioned fantasy laggards. But, please, let's be careful out there.

FREE AGENT PICKS AND PANS

To win a fantasy championship, you need to start with a good draft. But filling in your roster throughout the season with the right free agents is also important. Here's a look at a few players worth considering, and others who would look better in someone else's line-up.

Catch 'em while you can

Kenny Watson, RB, Bengals -- After Rudi Johnson left the game with an injured hamstring, Watson looked impressive in relief, with 9 carries for 60 yards and a score. If Johnson misses any time, Watson would provide an adequate proxy in your lineup.

Kevin Curtis, WR, Eagles -- After a lackluster debut with his new team, Curtis exploded along with his beleaguered quarterback with 221 receiving yards and three trips to the end zone. His 14 targets on Sunday were just three more than he had in Week 2, so he has quickly established himself as Donovan McNabb's go-to receiver. Reggie Brown is a disappointing afterthought.

Shaun McDonald, WR, Lions -- It's hard to get excited about any team's fourth receiving option; but after three weeks, he's a Top 15 fantasy receiver (237 yards, 2 TDs). Should Calvin Johnson's bruised back limit him, McDonald's value will soar even higher.

Derrick Mason, WR, Ravens -- After three games, Mason has been targeted an impressive 37 times, with 209 yards and a TD to show for his efforts. He is the lone bright spot among Baltimore wide-outs, and can be a solid bye-week or injury fill-in.

Don't be fooled

Kurt Warner, QB, Cardinals -- He was stellar in relief of a struggling Matt Leinart, but there is no indication that he is a threat to the starter's job. Leinart is the face, and future, of the franchise, and Arizona can't afford to give up on him now.

Reuben Droughns, RB, Giants -- To the chagrin of Derrick Ward's owners, Droughns scored twice on Sunday, but did so on just three short carries. Don't take the bait, as this aberration is unlikely to be repeated.

Earnest Graham, RB, Buccaneers -- Suddenly, Tampa Bay has rediscovered its rushing game. But this backfield is a three-headed monster, with Cadillac Williams and Michael Pittman also getting their fair share of carries. Cadillac is the only one worth driving.

First published on September 24, 2007 at 3:37 pm