ALL WEEKEND

SLOW RIDE TO RIB FEST

It seems like there used to be a rib festival around every week in the summer. Lately, Porky and his friends have gotten off easy, because the rib fests have been few and far between.

But today through Monday, the smoke rises from the Heinz Field lot for The Coors Light Kickoff & Rib Festival, which will feature national rib vendors, concerts by two bands with replacement frontmen -- Foghat and Bad Company -- plus the Clarks and PovertyNeck Hillbillies.

Other rib festival highlights include the Steelers Experience, Marvel Superheroes, Iron City Exhibition Boxing and the 19th Annual Gatorade Steelers 5K.

The Saturday focus is the Pitt Panthers' opener against Eastern Michigan, much easier prey than just plain Michigan.

On Monday, you can meet new Steelers mascot Steely McBeam. Try to be nice. He's just making a living.

COLONIAL CRAFTS

If your tastes run toward military string bands, pioneer decor and colonial clowns, set aside a few hours this weekend for the "19th Best Traditional Craft Show in America."

The 14th Annual Pennsylvania Arts & Crafts Colonial Festival is on the Labor Day Weekend agenda at the Westmoreland Fairgrounds in Greensburg.

It will feature more than 200 exhibit booths of artists, craftsmen and food vendors from 19 states with 500 participants in colonial costumes. There will also be an expanded Civil War Military Encampment featuring the Kanawha Artillery Civil War Unit (Friday to Monday); two Military String Bands (Saturday to Monday); clowns doing face painting and balloon animals; a petting zoo; wagon rides; the Wild World of Animals Show (Saturday and Sunday); and glassblowing, chainsaw carving and beehive demonstrations.

More than half of the displays are indoors. Hours are 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Friday and Monday; 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Saturday and Sunday. Tickets are $5.50; $5 seniors; $1 kids; under 6 free. Take Route 30 to the Greensburg-Mount Pleasant exit near Greensburg and follow the signs.

For details, call 724-863-4577 or go to www.familyfestivals.com.

TONIGHT

SEX-Y SHORTS

The come-on reads "Beat the summer heat with a little SEX in the garden!"

But, really, wouldn't that just add to the summer heat?

Maybe that's the real intention of the American Shorts Reading Series, presenting its annual "SEX" installment at the Winiford Lutz Garden at the Mattress Factory on the North Side.

"SEX" will feature erotic short stories read by Lissa Brennan, Ron Siebert, Tami Dixon and Jeffrey Carpenter. Charlie Humphrey, of Pittsburgh Filmmakers and Shanks fame, will read an original short piece. Short films include Gunvar Nelson's "Take Off" and the controversial Trojan advertisement short for Evolve. Also, The Candy Shop will display its line of adult-female-friendly goodies.

To heighten the "SEX"-ual experience, attendees are invited to pack a picnic dinner, a blanket and a bottle of wine.

The garden opens at open at 7 p.m., and reading starts at 7:30 p.m. Admission is $7. Go to www.pittsburghlectures.org or call 412-622-8866.

-- Scott Mervis

FRIDAY

TABLES AND CHAIRS

If you like organic, sculptural furniture made of wood, here's your chance to see the highly regarded work of George Nakashima, a Japanese-American woodworker whose tables, benches and chairs command high auction prices. Mira Nakashima-Yarnall, creative director of Nakashima Woodworking Studios in New Hope, Bucks County, has carried on her father's legacy with the help of 13 artisans.

"Nakashima Revealed" opens Friday at Carnegie Mellon University's Regina Gouger Miller Gallery and runs through Oct. 28. The show features 15 of Nakashima's pieces as well as drawings and tools. CMU purchased the furniture in the 1960s for Warner Hall. Among the 15 pieces of furniture are the walnut desk of Carnegie Mellon University's president, Jarod Cohon. The public is invited to a free opening reception from 5 to 8 p.m. Gallery hours are Tuesdays through Sundays from 11:30 to 5 p.m. Gallery admission is free and parking in the east campus parking garage is free on Saturdays and Sundays.

Another exhibition of Nakashima furniture is at the Southern Alleghenies Museum of Art in Ligonier. "Nature, Form & Spirit" opened on Aug. 4 and runs through Nov. 11. The Ligonier museum is open Tuesdays through Fridays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and on weekends from 1 to 5 p.m. Admission is free.

-- Marylynne Pitz

FRIDAY-SATURDAY

PILLOW PROJECT

Pearlann Porter is back with the second installment of her yearlong undertaking "The Pillow Project: by volume." Last June her company -- dancers, video, visual and design artists -- presented a voyeuristic gallery environment with overlapping, spot-grabbing performances in the heady urban space at Construction Junction.

Now the group will transfer the "Characters" expressed then into the here and now of its second chapter, called "Projected." Check out Ryan Hose's interpretation of Douglas Adams' "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," photographs by Derek Stoltz, music by PJ Roduta and jazz dance by Porter at your leisure.

Refreshments will be served through the continuous live action performances Friday and Saturday and Sept. 7 and 8 from 9 p.m. to 1 a.m. The suggested donation is a bargain at only $5. For more information, call 412-225-9269.

-- Jane Vranish

COUNTRY RASCALS

The rise of Rascal Flatts can be measured by a simple equation: two nights at the Post-Gazette Pavilion.

The country sensations, hitting the stage there Friday and Saturday nights, played to more than 1 million fans last year and have gone quadruple platinum with their last two records, "Me and My Gang" and "Feels Like Today."

The team of Gary LeVox, Jay DeMarcus and Joe Don Rooney have a new one on the way the end of September and will be previewing that during the show.

With a commercial sound that is dominating the country scene, the boys have seen some backlash coming their way. How do they deal with it?

"We let things roll off our backs pretty easily," guitarist Rooney told the Indianapolis Star. "I think there was a time early in our career when it kind of got under our skin, but we learned that it's just part of the deal. There are people out there who love you to death, and there are people out there that don't get you. That's totally cool. We're selling a product. Some people like potato chips, and some people like nacho cheese potato chips. That's basically what we've come into."

Jason Aldean opens the shows at 8 p.m. Tickets are $69.75 reserved and $30 lawn. Call 412-323-1919.

SUNDAY

COUNTRY HARMONY

Oh, the country music doesn't end on Saturday. The scene just shifts to Seven Springs Mountain Resort where a more vintage band, Diamond Rio, plays the Grey Rocks Amphitheatre.

Diamond Rio -- featuring Gene Johnson, Jimmy Olander, Brian Prout, Marty Roe, Dan Truman and Dana Williams -- formed in Nashville in 1984 and scored four top 10 hits off its 1991 debut album, "Meet in the Middle." Among the band's smash hits are "One More Day," "Beautiful Mess," "Unbelievable" and "I Believe."

Diamond Rio has won the Academy of Country Music's award for Top Vocal Group twice and the Country Music Association's award for Vocal Group of the Year four times.

Opening the 6 p.m. show will be local country singer Alli Gillis. Tickets are $28 and $20. Go to www.7springs.com or call 1-866-703-7625.

HAMBURGER, NEIL

For something completely different, the one and only Neil Hamburger holds forth in the back room at Gooski's Sunday night with Pleaseeasaur and Zombo.

Once dubbed "the world's worst stand-up comedian," Hamburger is a cult figure known for his geeky style, his eye-rolling one-liners and his constant throat-clearing. A rare comedian on the Drag City label, he recently opened for Tenacious D on the Pick of Destiny tour.

Last year, writer Ben Kharakh asked him what his aspirations were as a kid. "I didn't have any, really," he said. "Eventually, I decided that I could make a career out of telling jokes. I'd seen people doing it, and it seemed like the way to go to bring some joy to people. There's a real lack of joy in the world, if you read history. I don't know if you have an encyclopedia, but if you look through it you'll see that this has been a problem for a long time. If there are people that can do something about it, they should. And I thought I could, but now I'm wondering."

The show is at 9 p.m.

-- S.M.

MONDAY

PARADE DAY

These aren't the best of times for organized labor in America, but Labor Day brings an opportunity for a show of solidarity -- with bands and funny floats. The annual Labor Day Parade begins at Mellon Arena at 10 a.m. and winds down the Boulevard of the Allies. It will feature everyone from the governor and mayor to the Plumbers Local 27.

NEED TO KNOW

The Station Square Jam closes out the season Friday from 5:30 to 11 p.m. with local alt-country band Good Brother Earl headlining a bill with School of Athens and Fooling April. It takes place near the Hard Rock Cafe and admission is free.

Joe Grushecky & the Houserockers close out the free concert season at South Park on Friday at 8 p.m.

The Ditty Bops, L.A.'s quirky cabaret-folk-pop duo, plays Mr. Small's at 8 p.m. Sunday with Ice Cream Truck. Tickets are $12 advance; $15 at the door.

On the darker, heavier side, Negative Reaction (sludge-slingers from Long Island, N.Y.) play the Smiling Moose tonight at 10 with Beneath Oblivion and Argus.