It was P.G. Wodehouse who said: "I always advise people never to give advice." What did he know? Though no one ever accepts advice in the spirit in which it is meant, Oscar Wilde was right when he said: "The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself."

In the spirit of Oscar Wilde, I hereby submit a column's worth of unsolicited, but very good, advice for the edification of the masses and the instruction of the simpleminded. What do you want? It's way too hot to go through the hassle of writing high-minded columns.

The Atlanta chapter of the NAACP decided it was tired of being irrelevant on the sidelines, so it decided to be even more irrelevant by thrusting itself into the middle of the Michael Vick controversy.

"If Mr. Vick is guilty," said NAACP chapter President R.L. Price earlier this week, "he should pay for his crime. But to treat him as he's being treated now is also a crime."

Oh, really? There's nothing like arguing for moral equivalence in the absence of a morally sound defense of the indefensible. Why is the NAACP defending the embattled Atlanta Falcons quarterback two weeks after he's been indicted? He already has lawyers who get paid to compare him to Kobe Bryant and the Duke lacrosse boys.

Unsolicited advice: Stick to protesting shows like BET's "Hot Ghetto Mess" and let the Rev. Al Sharpton do the heavy lifting on the justice front.

Aging hipsters, nostalgia mongers and people who couldn't even dance well to begin with ought to be more considerate at rock 'n' roll shows. Punk priestess Patti Smith's otherwise perfect concert at the Carnegie Library of Homestead this week was nearly ruined by narcissists and chubby goths who danced like idiots in front of the stage for most of the evening. Who pays $25 a ticket to see someone's undulating buttocks all night?

Unsolicited advice: Sit down and have some humility -- unless you are beautiful and know how to pogo with authority in a middle-aged mosh pit.

Democrats running for president shouldn't publicly list their justifications for expanding the number of wars we'll be involved in post-George Bush. Sen. Barack Obama has been making noises about taking unilateral action in Pakistan if "actionable intelligence" proves that al-Qaida is operating there as every sentient terrorism analyst currently believes.

Even if unilateral action in Pakistan is someday necessary, is announcing it in a campaign speech the best way to protect the integrity of what will likely be a clandestine action?

Unsolicited advice: Don't try to "out tough" Hillary. She knows how to play this game in her sleep. Present reasonable and thoughtful alternatives to foreign policy orthodoxy.

Jail-bound celebrities who blame black people for their troubles are a bigger menace to society than gangsta rappers who, in the end, mostly talk big.

Fast-fading starlet Lindsey Lohan hijacked an SUV two weeks ago to chase down the mother of her former personal assistant. Three men were in the vehicle at the time, but they were in such awe of Ms. Lohan's celebrity that they let her have her way with them.

When the chronically under-the-influence actress was arrested, she pulled out the classic defense: "The black kid was driving." Of course, the traumatized black kid and his two friends say that they plan to sue Ms. Lohan for taking them "hostage" and for driving their reputations into the ground.

Unsolicited advice: Even though "the black guy did it" falls more naturally from the tongue, try a variation like "the Arab guy did it" or "that super-smart Asian guy did it" or "I did it" next time just to see how it feels.

Hey, you might as well gamble with your health. You're gambling everything else. This is casino impresario Don Barden's attitude about a voluntary ban on smoking at his North Shore casino. Short of being compelled by the state Legislature to care about the credulous suckers bellying up to his slot machines in a few years, Mr. Barden will continue blowing smoke about how committed he is to "green building" practices.

Unsolicited advice: Don, please, we only look stupid.

Black people who look the other way during drive-by shootings in their neighborhoods and white people who look the other way when 13-year-old neighbors are allegedly being raped or tortured by their fathers are making the entire human race look bad.

Unsolicited advice: Try to imagine how much more livable your communities would be if you took the obligation to love your neighbor seriously.