Q: What should a person do when a parent loses it with a small child -- like in a department store or some other public place? Sometimes I see young parents screaming at their kids and pulling them or hitting them. I want to help but I'm afraid I will just make the mother angrier.

A: What you do or don't do in an upsetting situation like this is a real judgment call. It's smart to think ahead of time about alternatives, and about what you might do and say.

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You're right that intervening may make the parent even angrier because she or he has been "caught" and embarrassed -- so the parent may take the anger out on the child. An enraged parent might also strike out physically at someone who intervenes, and you shouldn't risk your own safety.

However, if you believe that the situation can be defused, approaching the parent in a nonjudgmental and supportive way might be helpful. Sometimes a phrase such as "I remember when my kids did that" or "It looks like you're having a bad day" can show the parent that you've seen what's going on -- but also that you sense the parent's frustration. In some cases, that can be enough to distract the parent from the anger.

In other cases -- especially if the abusive behavior is chronic and this isn't just an overstressed parent who made a mistake -- you may get some harsh words. Remain calm and walk away.

Whatever else you do or don't do, if you get the sense that the abuse may be chronic, and/or that the child is in danger, you should either summon a store manager or call 911 and report the issue. It would be wrong to do nothing when a child's well-being is at stake.