If Penn State athletic director Tim Curley really wanted to get Pitt on his football schedule, he would place a phone call to Jeff Long, the Pitt AD, and initiate this conversation:

"We've been rethinking our position on the series, Jeff, and we've decided we want to start playing Pitt again."

Before Long can respond, Curley adds, "Of course, it will involve us coming to Pitt twice for every three times you come to Beaver Stadium."

Again, before Long could even angrily state Pitt would never accept such a deal, Curley continues:

"Face it, Jeff, you're desperate. You always used to need us more than we needed you, but now you need us 10 times more than we need you. You're so much as giving away season tickets. You wouldn't have to do that if we were on the schedule.

"I don't need an answer right now, Jeff. The offer's on the table for 72 hours."

The above conversation never happened. Nor is it likely to occur. But, if Curley has taken a look at the Pitt 2007 home schedule and glimpsed at the way Pitt virtually is giving away its product, he might consider making such a proposition.

With a home schedule that does not have anything approaching an attractive opponent, Pitt is using a marketing strategy often employed by supermarkets: Buy one, get one free. Except in Pitt's case it's buy one, get one almost free.

Season tickets for the seven-game home schedule to be played at Heinz Field are going for as low as $120, but that's not the tenth of it. Anyone purchasing such a plan, which comes to $17.14 game, can buy a second season-ticket package for $10, which comes to $1.43 a ticket.

That's desperation.

If Penn State were part of the 2007 home schedule, tickets would be going at a brisk pace, which is currently not the case despite that low price.

It's the old story: A clothing store trying to get rid of some ugly, out-of-style suits, won't get them to move any more quickly by selling two for the price of one.

The home schedule is a ticket sellers' nightmare. In order of appearance, Pitt's opponents are Eastern Michigan, Grambling, Connecticut, Navy, Cincinnati, Syracuse and South Florida. There's not a team in the bunch that would cause the wallets or checkbooks of the discerning fan to open. When South Florida is the most attractive game on the home schedule, you're in trouble.

Normally, Navy would attract patriotic fans that enjoy seeing the corps of midshipmen marching in to Heinz Field. But with the game moved to Wednesday by ESPN -- TV rules -- it's not likely the entire corps or even a significant portion of it will attend the game.

Grambling, a Division I-AA team, is not much of an attraction, but its famed Tiger Band is worth the price of admission -- especially at $1.43. But there's a good likelihood the band won't be accompanying the team. There's a dispute over who will cover the band's travel expenses. Even if the band comes to Heinz Field, it probably won't be marching. Bands, especially one as large as Grambling's, can be devastating to grass football fields.

In a town were where the Steelers always sell out, where the Penguins and Pitt basketball almost always sell out and where even the perennially losing Pirates sell many more tickets than their record indicates they should, Pitt football stands alone as a team people don't want to see. And this despite the fact the Panthers have had only one losing season in the past seven.

That's where the discount pricing comes in. Pitt is hoping people lured to Heinz Field by the low price will stick around next season, when the home schedule is as good as it is bad this year and purchase tickets at the regular price. Next year, Notre Dame, West Virginia, Louisville and Rutgers will come to town to play the Panthers.

This is a long-standing problem. College football programs that play in the same city as pro teams traditionally have more trouble selling tickets than their small-town counterparts. Penn State is the only show at University Park. In Pittsburgh, the Panthers must compete, almost every weekend, with the most popular franchise in town.

Even when Tony Dorsett was the city's most-accomplished football player and Pitt was on its way to a national championship, the Panthers could not capture the town's fancy. They averaged less than 40,000, barely two-thirds capacity at Pitt Stadium. In the Dan Marino era, the Panthers did better, but still were second to the Steelers.

There are two schools of thought on how Pitt should attempt to draw crowds: One is to play good teams that fans will want to see; the other is to play poor teams, win and hope victory will attract fans.

Pitt has tried it both ways but has never been able to construct the loyal following the basketball program has.

It doesn't look like it's going to happen this year. Maybe Pitt should try fuel perks.