National Football League training camps will be opening as early as next weekend, including the one at Saint Vincent College, which means that players are now down to a precious few hours when they can still get arrested without officially becoming "a distraction."

I'm not looking for a flurry of last-minute hi-jinks, mostly because it's been a relatively slow summer, criminally speaking, probably because many of the fellas are mildly despondent over the demise of NFL Europe, as am I. It's not so much that I'll no longer be able to punch up Amsterdam Admirals stats on my cell phone. It's more the helpless feeling of not knowing what will become of my favorite player, Admirals defensive tackle Arstem Yukhnovich, aka the Belarussian Bulldog, all 2.02 meters, 124 kilograms of him.

Yukhnovich's teammate, running back Larry Croom, has found temporary work in the Steelers training camp backfield, knowing full well the safety net that was the Netherlands has been cut out from under him.

Ah well.

Despite this general malaise, a few of the familiar American athletes could not be deterred from keeping the authorities on their toes, particularly those working the night shift.

In fact, barely two weeks elapsed between the day NFL commissioner Roger Goodell addressed the league's rookies in a Florida symposium entitled Please Please Please For God's Sake Stay Out of Trouble, and the arrest of San Diego Chargers' rookie Anthony Watters.

Watters avoided AFC Perp of the Week honors, however, as he appeared to be a victim of circumstance. The police report said someone in the vehicle in front of Watters' threw a projectile that broke Watters' windshield. Watters merely called police, but first took the perhaps unncessary precaution of threatening to kill the thrower.

Rookie mistake.

Cleveland Browns rookie Mike Mason got arrested for refusing to leave a downtown nightclub, but again, extenuating circumstances -- it was before the Goodell symposium.

Detroit Lions defensive end Shaun Rogers got in some trouble when a stripper claimed he touched her inappropriately, a bit of unseemly business that Goodell would not likely have prevented even had he included veterans in his captive audience or even further included a brief presentation on the appropriate handling of strippers. No matter, authorities in Michigan dropped the charges on Friday, citing insufficient evidence.

The Oakland Raiders and Miami Dolphins rid themselves of troublesome entities while the relevant police reports were still being e-mailed.

Having twice tasered Fred Evans in the back seat of a cab on South Beach, Miami authorities had a more difficult time getting the massive defensive tackle out of a public conveyance than the Dolphins had getting him out of their plans. The same rush was brought by the Raiders in the case of defensive end Bryant McNeal, arrested only last week in South Carolina on an outstanding warrant issued by police in Clearwater, Fla. It was there, police say, that McNeal sold a Range Rover to a pawn shop owner for $15,000. Florida apparently has some strange law that a party engaged in selling something to another party, must in fact own the saleable item. So yes, they got McNeal on a technicality.

The Steelers probably showed the best quickness in this area, cutting practice squad linebacker Richard Siegler days before he got busted on charges of operating a fledgling prostitution ring in Las Vegas. While the club's corporate and football operations model remains expansive and comprehensive, "pimp" is still not an official position.

With the exception of Green Bay Packers' linebacker Nick Barnett getting arrested after a dust-up at a nightclub near closing time, the summer's light schedule was absorbed mostly by the housekeeping on old news. The Chicago Bears finally cut Tank Johnson after finding his name on the Physically Unable To Keep From Driving Around At Three In The Morning, Drunk Or Not list, Jacksonville Jaguars offensive tackle Khalif Barnes got probation after apologizing for calling the officer who stopped him for DUI a "KKK devil who hates all colored people," and a couple of players were forced to change their positions on dog fighting, generally from "whatever" to "against."

Mercifully, just seven days remain in the "off" season, after which, barring the imminent emergence of some spectacular COPS footage, we'll all go happily about the business of talking football in actual football terms. Because once camp starts, everyone behaves just beautifully.

Sure.