Dearly beloved:

	Warner Bros. Pictures John Krasinski, Robin Williams, Mandy Moore: a dull trio. Click photo for larger image. 'License to Wed' Starring: Robin Williams, Mandy Moore, John Krasinski. Director: Ken Kwapis. Rating: PG-13 for sexual humor and language. Web site: licensetowedthemovie.warnerbros.com/ Family Film Guide: 'License to Wed'

We are gathered here today to enjoin this comedian, Robin Williams, and this director, Ken Kwapis, in holy alimony.

Same-sex divorce is a deeply personal thing, of course, but there are reasons these two should not have been joined together in "License to Wed." I will speak now, rather than forever hold my peace.

Reason No. 1 is Kim Barker and Tim Rasmussen's cloying screenplay: Rev. Frank (Williams), generic minister and marriage counselor extraordinaire, is engaged to put young lovers Ben and Sadie (John Krasinski and Mandy Moore) through the most nightmarish Judeo-Christian wedding-preparation course ever devised.

Chief among its lessons -- and obstacles to be cleared -- are how to fight fairly, in-law training, celibacy until wedding night and baby-from-hell handling. Trust exercises include the girl driving blindfolded while the terrified boy yells frantic directions.

Are we having fun yet? Well, the faux-twin babies shtick -- lots of urping, burping and pooping -- has its jejune moments. And Williams' snappy-patter delivery of religious one-liners provides periodic chortles, if not guffaws. But as in "Night at the Museum" and "RV," his smile doesn't reach his eyes anymore. Robin-heads would be better off going out and re-renting "The Birdcage" or "Mrs. Doubtfire."

As for the betrothed, groom Krasinski, with his big expressive eyes, is engaging, but you may kiss off the bride. Moore is dull as dishwater. There's more chemistry between helium and Valium than between this duo.

And then there's the hideous Choir Boy (Josh Flitter), part of Rev. Frank's "Ministers of Tomorrow" program. His job, facilitated by President Bush's illegal wiretapping authority, is to spy on the not-yet-newlyweds and make sure they don't have sex. This kid is much too creepy to be the intended laugh riot.

Director Kwapis ("Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants," "The Office") injects a few funny touches (photos of Rev. Frank with everybody from Pope Benedict XVI to the Bushes and Clintons adorn his office) but never elevates this wannabe chick flick above its material, which -- like all bad farces -- turns redemptively "serious" at the end.

I now pronounce "License to Wed" the lamest comedy-romance of the year.