Parenting 4 Kids Nationally accredited, 4 Kids Early Learning Network serves children and families throughout the Mon Valley. Through this column, 4 Kids staff members answer reader questions about raising children in the critical early years. E-mail questions for consideration to: questions@4kidsearlyed.org, or mail to: 4 Kids Questions, 445 Fourth St., Braddock, PA 15104.

Q: What do you think about taking young children to a funeral home for a viewing? I recently went to one and saw that some people brought small children, maybe age 4 or 5. I was shocked.

A: We think there is no one "right" answer. Every family has to make its own decisions, based on its beliefs, traditions, and values. Even finances can play a role, because some parents can't afford the expense of a sitter to stay at home with the kids.

In any case, parents should explain to the children -- in age-appropriate terms -- about the death, and the ceremonies that will take place. Be sure not to use terms like "went to sleep" -- that's misleading and frightening.

For parents who are undecided about whether to take a child to a viewing, here are a few considerations.

Can the child behave appropriately? Kids who typically don't do well at restaurants, in church, or in other places where quiet behaviors are expected probably won't do well at a funeral home.

Does the child want to go? Young children shouldn't be forced to attend viewings. If the child doesn't want to attend, figure out other ways to take part -- creating a beautiful drawing for the family, or helping you make a meal to take to the family after the funeral.

Does the funeral home have a side room for children? Contact the facility to ask if there's a space where children can play quietly. If that's the case, and you decide to take your child, ask a trusted adult to accompany you, and bring activities like crayons and paper for the adult and child to use together in the side room while you visit with the family.

If you decide to take your child, have a conversation beforehand about what the child will see -- flowers, cards, the casket or urn, a body (if that will be the case), the different ways people express their emotions, and so forth. Explain that a funeral is a way for a person's loved ones to say goodbye.

Whatever is decided, parents should know that they have the right -- and the privilege -- to determine what is appropriate for their own children.