Many seniors have a difficult time emotionally when they downsize from the family home to a retirement community or apartment. Yet deciding which items to take with them -- and how to get rid of everything else -- can be an even bigger stressor.

Just ask Guy and Pat Bauman. This month, the couple moved from the three-bedroom ranch in McCandless that they bought as young marrieds in 1959 to a two-bedroom carriage house at The Woodlands at St. Barnabas, a retirement community in Valencia.

	Bob Donaldson, Post-Gazette Guy and Patricia Bauman in their McCandless home of 48 years. Click photo for larger image. RESOURCES National Association of Professional Organizers-Pittsburgh: www.napopittsburgh.org National Association of Senior Move Managers: www.nasmm.com National Auctioneers Association: www.auctioneers.org Organization Rules: www.organizationrules.com Paul Regan, "The Organizer": 412-781-6328 or pgr308@yahoo.com

They spent hours every day for the past six weeks before the move sorting a lifetime of possessions into various boxes and piles. Some items, like Mr. Bauman's grandmother's writing desk and the Haviland china that belonged to Mrs. Bauman's mother, were quickly marked as keepers.

But even after some "ruthless" clutter-busting, the couple still didn't know what to do with the giant railroad platform Mr. Bauman spent years working on with his son. It would kill him to put it out on the curb.

"This is the hardest part of the whole moving ordeal," he admits with a sigh, surveying the piles scattered about his once-tidy basement. "But it's the right thing for us to do now. We have to move forward."

"It's our age," his wife offers as explanation. "We were brought up where you don't throw anything away."

The Baumans are luckier than some in that they have adult children, including one nearby in Hampton, to take many things off their hands. But what if that's not an option? Worse yet, what if friends and family members have already picked through the offerings and you're still overrun with stuff? Some are so paralyzed by the thought that they simply decide to stay put.

Helping hands

	Robin Rombach, Post-Gazette When Mario and June Melodia downsized from their family home in Osborne to a split-level in Ben Avon several years ago, they held a faux auction to divide up their collection of antiques and other belongings among their three children. Click photo for larger image.
	Bob Donaldson, Post-Gazette Paul Regan -- "The Organizer" -- is among those who can help seniors figure out what should be thrown out, given away, or put on commission with an antiques appraiser. Click photo for larger image.

Fortunately, you don't have to. Today, there are a growing number of senior move managers and professional organizers who can help the elderly navigate these emotionally charged waters.

Paul Regan "The Organizer" is among those who can help seniors figure out what should be thrown out, given away, or put on commission with an antiques appraiser. His key questions are:

When was the last time you used this?

Will it fit into your new lifestyle?

For instance, someone who is moving to a retirement community with meal plans should probably think about giving most of the family crystal and china to the kids.

The dispersal of a lifetime's worth of stuff often comes down to a frank discussion of what's truly important to them.

"My role is, I guide and they decide," says Mr. Regan, who charges by the hour.

For the past two months, he's been working with Cathryn Irvis, widow of former state House Speaker K. Leroy Irvis, to clear out their nearly century-old house in Schenley Farms.

Many items are going to her two children, while others, including many of Mr. Irvis' 3,000 books, will go to the University of Pittsburgh's Hillman Library. His woodworking tools were sold to one buyer on eBay. As for his many carvings, sculptures, paintings and model airplanes? That's still being determined.

Mrs. Irvis, who has lived in the house since 1974, says the process has been a roller coaster of emotions. Many days, she tried to beg off the chore, telling Mr. Regan it was just too hard.

"I couldn't have done it without him," she says.

Mr. Regan can help on the other end, too, by measuring off the rooms in the new floor plan to see if, and where, the remaining furniture will actually fit. Since many seniors haven't sold a house in a while, he can also help properly "stage" the property for the market.

Vickie Dellaquila of Organization Rules also has made a career of helping downsizing seniors declutter, sort and organize their belongings. She often goes room by room, shelf by shelf, drawer by drawer. If there's a need, she'll also help find appraisers or arrange for auctions or estate sales, make donations to museums and even help clients unpack.

Ms. Dellaquila, who recently published the step-by-step guide "Don't Toss My Memories in the Trash" ($14.99, Mountain Publishing), says seniors often don't realize how much planning and organization goes into a move, and how stressful it can be. It's even worse if an illness, physical disability or death has forced the move on them before they were mentally ready.

So for an hourly fee, "I become project manager for them," she says.

So valued is this emerging niche service that at least one retirement community -- Sherwood Oaks in Cranberry -- pays for five hours of professional organizing services for all new residents.

"Getting the family home cleared out is a huge obstacle," says vice president Katherine Vojtko. "So we decided to help remove it."

Appraising valuables
Owners of antiques and other valuable items often turn to appraisers, auction houses and antiques dealers to turn unwanted family heirlooms and collectibles into cash.

An auctioneer helped Mrs. Irvis sell her husband's wood shop -- all 500-plus pieces -- to someone in California via eBay. Others do it themselves, using guides such as Susannah Ryder's "Don't Call the Thrift Shop" ($19.95, M. Evans).

But how do you divvy things up among the kids without bruising everyone's feelings, especially when more than one has his heart set on Dad's vintage stamp collection or Grandma's wedding ring?

Obviously, it makes sense to talk about particular items when everyone is still in good health and then formalize any decisions about who gets what in a will. Another popular solution is for parents to label objects to designate who will inherit what, then pray the name tags don't fall off or get removed by a scheming relative. Others simply pull tags out of a hat.

Mario and June Melodia had a better idea. When they downsized from their family home in Osborne to a split-level in Ben Avon several years ago, they held a faux auction to divide up their collection of antiques and other belongings among their three children.

"I had a friend who ended up not talking to his brother over a chest of drawers, and that really worried us," recalls Mr. Melodia, 77, retired theater director at Sewickley Academy.

First, they had an appraiser estimate what the various pieces would sell for at auction and in an antique shop. Then they gave each child the same amount of play money with which they could "bid" on the items.

To keep things as fair as possible, a different heir got to choose first on each round. They also set a very important ground rule: While spouses could attend the "preview," only the children were allowed to bid.

"The idea was, if two of them liked the armoire, they could negotiate with each other," says Mr. Melodia.

The auction was such a smashing success that the couple is considering doing it again in the future for all the new things they accumulate.

"Why wait until you're dead and they argue over it?" asks Mr. Melodia with a smile. "I think everyone should do it."