Finally, a movie about comb-overs

When it comes to maligned hair styles, the comb-over is right up there with the mullet. The mullet gets more publicity, probably because it has staying power in that all important 18- to 34-year-old male demographic. But now the comb-over is getting its due. Chris Marino of Denver has produced a documentary coming to a cable station near you: "Comb-Over: The Movie."

	Stacy Innerst, Post-Gazette Click illustration for larger image.

Mr. Marino has been obsessed with the rise and flop of the do-it-yourself approach to baldness ever since he saw a man with a "brilliant comb-over" at the gym as a kid, says Wireless Flash. The key trait necessary to carrying off a comb-over? Denial, says Mr. Marino. "We came across a gentleman in Texas who was completely bald except by his ears and back of his head. He grew that long enough so he could take it in three sections and lap it in such a way it would cover every bit of scalp. Then he'd spray it down," he told the Times-Union (Florida). "It was total denial of something everyone could see."

The film will premiere on The Sundance Channel Monday.

Does Trump know it's not cool?

While the comb-over is fading and is mostly the province of men of lesser means, nobody seems to have told Donald Trump. Why would The Donald wear a comb-over? Is he too cheap to buy hair transplants or a good rug? Or does he think it looks good? Or maybe firings go easier when it's hard for the firees to look him in the eye, because of the comb-over's distracting dip. All we can say for sure is, it hasn't affected his earning-power.

Somebody patented the comb-over?

Yes, somebody did. Check out U.S. Patent 4,022,227, at www.uspto.gov, "Method of concealing partial baldness." It was awarded in 1977 to Donald J. Smith and his father, Frank J. Smith, of Orlando, as the foundation of a planned wind-proof hair products empire. They got the idea "over a jug of homemade wine," which explains a lot, according to a blog known as thelipstickchronicles.typepad.com.

Note the compassion in the patent statement: "Obviously a partially bald person without the financial means cannot afford the luxury of hair coverings."

The methodology: The remaining hair should be about 3 to 4 inches long. The hair around the bald area is divided into equal portions ... It is folded over the bald area, beginning with the hair from the back of the head, and then from one side and then the other. All three groupings are sprayed into place, and, just like that, you're ready to face the world.

I came, I saw, I combed over

Julius Caesar made his mark in politics and government without the aid of polling or draft evasion, but he's also famous for one of history's worst comb-overs. Statues indicate a desperate attempt to pull a few scraggly hairs way too far forward over his bald spot, perhaps in the hope that some might take root.

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The Roman historian Suetonius wrote that Caesar was embarrassed by his baldness, which made him a frequent butt of opponents' jokes. And of all the honors heaped upon him, he most appreciated the laurel wreath, which was much more effective than a comb-over. We learned this from the blog mungowitzend.blogspot.com.

Rules of presidential hairodynamics

From a Dan Neil column in The Los Angeles Times:

"Rule No. 1: Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good: There is a bright line between good grooming and fussy metrosexuality, and clearly, Mitt Romney and John Edwards are way on the other side of that line. The worst recent offender was John Kerry, whose blow-dried super-doo belonged on an L.A. weatherman.

"No. 2: No pink pates. We've not elected a bald, or even balding, president since Eisenhower, and we're not about to start now.

"No. 3: Live Free or Dye. Republicans' favorite fantasy, not counting the Strategic Defense Initiative, was that Ronald Reagan didn't dye his hair, as if a 75-year-old man with coal-black hair was the most natural thing in the world. But at least Reagan looked good.

"No. 4: Don't go changing. Remember when the world freaked out because Al Gore wore a brown suit? People theorized endlessly about Mr. Gore's sartorial and tonsorial choices. After each of the debates there were gleeful chatroom roundelays about the degree to which Mr. Gore was or was not combing over. Candidates have to lock in their look early -- preferably, about middle school -- because, well, if he can flip-flop on hairstyles, he could sell us out to Ahmadinejad, couldn't he?

"Rule No. 5: Let your hair stand for integrity: In American politics, there is a comb-over ceiling. Not only are comb-overs deceitful -- a sure sign that the over-comber cannot be trusted -- they're ineffective. Joe Biden, meanwhile, is bumping up against the hair-restoration ceiling. Trent Lott would love to run, but he knows better than to throw his rug into the ring."