Q: My father is not expected to live long. I have two children, a girl who is 6 and a boy who is 2 1/2. They love their grandfather so much. They know he is ill, but that's it. How can I prepare them for what is ahead? We are not church people.

	Dan Marsula, Post-Gazette Click image for larger version.

A: Good for you for thinking about your children at a time that we imagine is very difficult for you.

It's not easy to talk with children about death -- but the reality is that even young children have often had some exposure to the topic through TV, storybooks, and their peers' experiences. Children's perceptions, however, are often inaccurate, so honest talk in a loving atmosphere can clarify facts and ease fears.

Here are a few suggestions.

Develop a plan to help your children say goodbye to their grandfather. If possible, brief visits may cheer him and give the kids the opportunity to feel helpful. Having the children create art to express their love and support, and then hanging their pictures near your father's bed, can be an excellent way of promoting acceptance.

Listen carefully to your children's questions, and answer them honestly and simply. Try to avoid phrases like "going to sleep" or "going away," because they can create confusion and fear. Be prepared to hear the same questions repeatedly -- just answer them as patiently as you can.

Developmentally, your daughter will be able to process more than your son, but even very young children can sense loss and grief, so provide reassurance to both children.

During a time of loss, children can become fearful about losing you or other family members. While of course you can't promise to live forever, you can reassure the children with phrases such as "I intend to be here taking care of you and loving you for a very long time."

Try to keep your family's daily schedules -- meals, naps, storytimes, bedtimes, etc. -- as close to normal as possible. Predictable routines reassure children and help them feel secure.

You might also read your kids books such as "The Grandad Tree" (by Trish Cooke) and "Poppy's Chair" (by Karen Hesse)

Finally, do you know about The Caring Place? It's a free resource for kids -- infancy through high school -- who are grieving the death of a loved one. Based in Pittsburgh, the Caring Place offers peer support -- a helpful opportunity to talk with other kids who've had a similar loss -- and also information for parents. Reach The Caring Place at 1-888-224-4673 or go to www.highmarkcaringplace.com (It's a community service of Highmark Blue Cross Blue Shield, but you don't have to be a Highmark customer.)

You have our condolences as you guide your children through the passage ahead.